Every now and then I get into this place where I am reading a slew of books at the same time. This, to me, is a sign that I am distracted and need to refocus. So I told myself I can’t start any new books until this queue is finished all the way.

One of the books I’m in the middle of is True Refuge by Tara Brach. If you read here with any regularity, you know I am a huge fan of Tara and listen to her podcasts regularly and have found them to be incredibly helpful and thought-provoking.

Today, while I was waiting for Nathaniel’s class to get out, I read this passage:

When Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh was invited to the San Francisco Zen Center in the 1970s, the students asked him what they could do to improve their practice. He had entered a monastery at age sixteen, was ordained monk, and had endured the horrors of the war in Vietnam. I imagine they expected some rigorous prescription for deepening their spiritual life. Thich Nhat Hanh’s response: “You guys get up too early for one thing, you should get up a little later. And your practice is too grim. I have just two instructions for you this week. One is to breathe, and one is to smile.”

This is such good advice. Approach your practice (and your life) with an earnest yet relaxed heart. You can make a dedicated effort without tension and striving.

The part that was most most resonant for me was the very last part:

You can make a dedicated effort without tension and striving.

This has been a rough week for me. I seem to be lost in some kind of non-productive thoughts which are making life harder for me. And reading this is the reminder I needed. I always work hard. I know that part of the reason I’ve achieved the successes that have come my way is through hard work and persistence.

But what I also know is that my hard work is imbued with worry, stress, tension, and a lot of striving. A lot of wanting to be better. Beating myself up. Worrying. And then more stressing. And while I know these are not helpful, I can’t seem to disassociate them from the “dedicated effort.”

As if working hard, trying hard also means worrying a lot and stressing a lot.

And it does not.

It does not.

I love the idea of “an earnest yet relaxed heart.” The idea of not stressing but still working hard. Still committed, dedicated, and growth-oriented. And relaxed.

And I believe with all my heart and gut that this is possible. That a dedicated effort and lack of tension can live together.

And yet, I am not sure how to do it.

I know from experience that “just relax” is a completely unproductive thing to say to someone who is like me. If I knew how to relax, clearly I would be doing it. So the question here for me is how do I do it?

I shall start with breathing. Closing my eyes and taking a big, deep breath.

Let’s see where that takes me.