Lately, I’ve been finding that there are certain conversations that repeat in my head on a loop. I wake up with these thoughts and go to bed with them and no matter how much I try, I can’t seem to snap out of it.
It might be obvious but I’ll mention it anyway: these are negative thoughts that do not serve me. Some are complaints about how my life is stuck in certain ways I don’t like it to be. Some are frustrations of hard work (or at least consistent work) not paying off as much as I’d like. And some are just good old whining.
None of these are making my life better.
In fact, they make my days worse. I get caught up in the chatter and the negativity encompasses all of my brain. Next thing I know, the day’s over and I’m all bitter. And if there’s one thing I hate almost as much as sarcasm (which I despise) it’s being bitter. I think that being bitter doesn’t serve me at all. It sucks all the joy out of my life and leaves me nothing. I refuse to have my life be that way.
But no matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t get these thoughts to stop. I could quiet them down a bit but then they’d come back full-force. It’s like when you trust someone and then they do something to betray you. From there on the seeds of doubt are inside you and infect every single moment. That’s how these thoughts were for me. They were taking over my thoughts and emotions and infecting my days.
This morning I got up and asked myself a crucial question.
“What do I want?”
For each of these issues that were driving me mad, I wanted to know what I was seeking. What my true, realistic goal was. For me the first answer is always flippant. It’s rash action that’s just not realistic or even ideal. It’s just an extreme that would immediately make this nagging thought disappear. Like “move away” or “quit that commitment.” etc.
But this time I didn’t let myself off the hook. I just kept asking. What do I want here? What’s an outcome that would make me happy? Or at least content enough to have the nagging thoughts out of my head. How can I change this situation/worry/problem so I can be at peace again?
When I really sit to think about it, this is not an easy question. Because realistically, if this were an easy problem to solve, I would have solved it already. And clearly there’s some emotional issues here, too, since it’s getting in the way of my peace. So it’s hard and emotionally loaded. But I still kept at it. What do I want? I asked myself.
The next set of answers that came to me involved other people. I might want so-and-so to fix the problem for me in some way or another. But, as I know quite well, the only person I can control is me. I am the only one I can change. And since these are my personal concerns and are messing with my peace, well I should be invested in fixing them myself.
So the question morphed a bit and became “What do I want and What can I do about it?” What are some actions I can take to make the situation better for me? To change my reality, my perception, and my ability to not let it get to me. Those are the three things I can adjust.
1. I can take action.
2. I can change my point of view.
3. I can change the value I assign to this issue emotionally. (As in how much I should/will worry about it.)
I can change one of these, all of these or any combination.
So for each of the items on my nagging list, after I already figured out what I wanted (which is the HARD part) I wrote down which of the three I could change and how.
Just writing it all down made me feel better already. We often tend to get upset when we feel like we have no control over things in our lives. We get into these cycles where we forget that at some point, this was a choice and now it feels like a trap. But we do have choice. We have the choice to decide what we want. We have the choice to take small actions in the direction of our wants. We have the choice to change our perspective. And we definitely have the choice not to let it nag us. Even if it feels impossible, all of those choices are there, available to us at all times.
And they all start with the magic question:
What do I want?
Here’s this week’s gratitudes and celebrations:
Before:
and here’s what the page looks like with all the gratitudes and celebrations:
There we go. Just another excuse to create art and remember the present that is my life.
Gratitude Journal is a weekly project for 2013. You can see a detailed post on my goal other details here.
here’s this week’s card:
and the back:
there we go.
David’s Gratitude Postcards is a weekly project I am doing with my 8-year-old-son for 2013. You can see a detailed post on our goal other details here.
Here are some snapshots from our week:
The night before we left for Tahoe, David left me this note.
On our first night there, we went skating. A first for both kids. I didn’t have my camera so this crappy photo is all we got.
Nathaniel packed his own bad and cuddled into bed the minute we got into the hotel so he could take out his books.
my boys.
David colored this little page at the pizza place and they hung it up which made him happy.
the next morning we went tubing. Nathaniel wasn’t a fan so he did it twice and we stopped. David and Daddy continued for a long time.
we then went cross-country skiing and show-shoeing. It was super-windy but the kids still loved it.
And were being their silly selves.
then we came back home. the kids spent some time playing with legos.
Nathaniel made a card for his teacher.
and then gave it to her.
she’s an awesome teacher.
we then went to David’s class for his presentation.
but first there was circle time.
David presented a favorite book, Calvin and Hobbes.
Nathaniel had a nap. Actually he doesn’t nap anymore, mostly lies in bed and reads.
here he is being a bucket-head zombie (from a game they like to play.)
David doing homework.
then it was photo-time. Nathaniel was being all crazy again.
he kept laughing and laughing.
I tried to tell him to be quieter.
but he wasn’t hearing it.
and right in the middle he farted.
twice.
and here we go. so grateful for my life. i hope your week was lovely, too.
Weekly Diary is a project for 2013. You can read more about it here.
Before this week’s art here’s the important reminder: Please remember, this is personal and hand-made and thus imperfect. If you want perfect art, do not buy mine. Also one more reminder that these are pretty small. 5.5inches by 5.5inches. That’s about 14×14 centimeters). You will just get the original piece of watercolor paper with my art and signature in the back. No mounting, no frame. I don’t want to misrepresent anything. I will put a paypal button under each (you can pay with credit card or paypal.) the button doesn’t update so you will have to click through to see if it’s sold out. I will try to update them as quickly as I can and remove the button if it’s gone, but just in case. Each piece will be $35. That’s US dollars. If you have questions please leave a comment and I will reply as fast as I can.
With that here’s this week’s art:
it reads: this is not your only chance. you get many many more.
I want to make sure to disclose that i made a mistake in the bird’s beak so there’s white paint on the tip of it. you may or may not see it but it’s there.
here’s an example of what it looks like in an 8×8 frame.
Item is $35 click button below to buy
SixBySix is a weekly project for 2013. You can see a detailed post on my goal other details here.
I was talking to a client the other day and he told me that once he accomplished such and such goal, he would then be able to relax and spend a lot of quality time with his wife. For this person, spending more high quality time with his wife was at the top of his things-i-want-to-do-more-of list. I paused for a second and then I told him that he was no longer allowed to wait for his one-day life.
Here’s the thing.
This is your one-day life. You can’t put off living, happiness, and joy until the “one day” comes. Because it might never come. We tend to always move the target as we get close to it. So what was “one day” to you ten years ago might look very different now. You might already be living the “one day” you hoped to have back in 2003. And, yet, here you are putting things off for this magical “one day” again.
And if you ever reach that “one day” it might not be what you expected. You might find yourself busier, unhappier, less fulfilled than you imagined the “one day” would look like.
You might not live to see the one day.
You might have some terrible thing happen and it would change your possible “one day” scenario completely. You might have a huge fortune befall you and the definition of “one day” would turn topsy-turvy again.
None of us know what tomorrow will be like. None of us know what really will happen. All we get is this one day. This day. All we get is this moment.
And in this moment, there’s really no good excuse to put off doing something that gives you joy over doing anything else.
There are exceptions of course, I don’t mean “quit your job, move to some remote beach until your money runs out and you’re penniless.” I am not speaking extremes of any kind, actually. I am talking about weaving in some of what you love, some of the reward you keep postponing, into your everyday.
What is on your list of things you’re going to do “one day”?
The day you’re finally rich enough to quit your job. When your kids are finally grown and out of the house. When you’re finally healthy again. When you’re thinner/prettier. Whatever your personal reason is, I encourage you wholeheartedly not to put off all your dreams/joys/happiness to “one day.”
Instead, make your “one day” list right now. Sit down, get a paper and pen and write it all out. From the smallest/easiest to the craziest. Write it all out. First of all, it’s wonderful to have dreams, goals, ambitions, hopes and things to look forward to.
But even more importantly, once you make the list, it’s real. You can start weaving some fo these into your life already. Want to go to Africa? You can start buying books, learning about what parts of Africa you might want to visit. This way you’re actually one step closer to achieving it. You can spend time with your loved ones. Go out to dinner with a long lost friend. Maybe you can’t quit your job and hang out with friends all day long, but you can certainly schedule a weekly dinner with friends. There are many ways to start taking baby steps into your “one day” life. Many ways to fulfill some of them right now.
I definitely do see the advantages of having dreams and goals. Things to look forward to. Sometimes life is hard and those goals keep us hopeful and give us the energy to make it through the rougher times.
However, there’s a difference between having something to look forward to and postponing joy. Postponing living. Especially postponing connecting with your loved ones. The time to spend with your kids is now. With your spouse. With your friends. With your parents. Now is the time to connect with the people you love. Now is the time to take a few moments every day and do something that gives you joy. Draw. Walk. Sing. Run. Whatever it is, putting it off is not the answer.
Maybe we will all get lucky and the “one day” plan will completely work out. And then you can do every single thing on your list.
But in the meantime, let’s live the one life we have fully. I’ll give you the same homework I gave my client. Schedule date night right now. Spend time with your wife. Don’t put off your happiness. Give this day everything we have. Soak in it. Go all in.
This is your time.
and here’s this week:
I talk about our the boys playing and studying. Then going exploring and building time machines while with grandparents and finally about David being star of the week.
This week I added an extra insert which has David’s art on one side. (it has my coaching course completion diploma thing in the back)
See you next week!
The Savor Project is a weekly project for 2013. You can see a detailed post on my goal and other details here.
Since I’ve decided to spend February celebrating and my word for this year is present, I’ve been thinking about ways to celebrate the present moment. I work at home and spend most of my day alone. I’ve noticed that it’s relatively easy for me to get into a funk at some point during the day. And if I don’t acknowledge it and do something about it, I can carry that funk all day and spread it to those around me.
I decided to work at home so I could be around more for my kids, so if I am going to be crabby, it sort of ruins the whole reason why I moved my life around to make this setup work. I am trying to be more aware of how my mood can spread and spill over to the way I interact with anyone. And the way I write emails. The way I make assumptions about the people I run into. The way I read/interpret emails. The way I talk to my kids and husband. I can go on and on but I think you get the point.
So I decided to take two kinds of actions that will allow me to be more present, celebrate this moment, and get out of my funks:
1. Notice the joyful moments and take a pause:
I get to have many moments in my day where something wonderful is happening. For example, every day, after his nap (or quiet time since naps seem to be disappearing) my son comes to snuggle next to me as he watches an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He will hug me and let me kiss him and smell him as much as I want. I now make a point of taking a few minutes off work and really basking in the joy of smelling his neck and kissing and hugging him.
It doesn’t have to be a snuggly activity. I do the same thing with my older son and his homework. On most days, I get to help him with his homework. This often means playing a math game together or brainstorming ideas on what to write. Instead of trying to get-it-over-with, I now take an extra ten minutes and really enjoy getting to be here with him and teach my son while we play. This is something I care about and I am grateful to get to do it (instead of being at work when he comes home from school.)
It doesn’t even have to involve others. I have to go out daily to get the mail. This two second walk from my door to the mailbox reminds me that I live in sunny California and the weather is exquisite on most days. Instead of rushing in and out, I take a few extra seconds and soak in the sun. If there was snow, I could certainly soak in the snow, too!
The other day, I was exercising on the treadmill and I looked out the garage to see an incredible sky filled with orange and red as the sun was coming up. I stopped my movie and watched the sky, marveling in its beauty.
Most of these activities are really small moments. Ordinary life moments. All of these things are things that already naturally occur in my day. Things that really really give me joy but things that I know I overlook (or things that get overshadowed by other things that annoy me.) And this extra pause allows me to remember (and lock in) the joy of all the little, ordinary moments. To be really present. To feel it in my body, be conscious, and really be here to completely savor this very moment.
2. Make a list of small acts that give me joy and do 3-5 each day
I’ve been noticing that besides the things that naturally occur in my day, there are small things that I can do to really pickup my mood. For example, there are a few songs that almost always put me in a good mood. So if I am really feeling tired, funky, or crabby, I can just put the song on and there’s an 85% chance I will be in a better mood.
The sun is another mood-lifter. It’s proven scientifically that our brains like being outdoors. Seeing the sky and trees and wind and sun make us feel better. So I can definitely take a 5 minute walk around the block. Or even just open my door and look out for 2 minutes.
I can take a 20 minute break and sit down to eat a healthy food that I really enjoy (instead of rushing through it while I reply to email.) I can play with my kids for 6 minutes. I can hug my kids, my husband, or even myself. I can buy myself flowers. I can read a book I love for 15 minutes. I can draw. I can write a thank you note, gratitude note or just a catch-up email to a friend.
The goal here is to change modes. So I can add an activity to my day to jolt my brain from the funk it might be sinking into.
Most of these activities make me happy and they range anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. I can definitely take 3-5 breaks throughout my day to incorporate them and see if they inject more joy into my day. At a minimum, they will refresh my mind/body/soul so I can work more efficiently when I am done.
So those are my two goals every day. Find five naturally-occurring joyful moments where I can pause and really soak and lock it in and create three-to-five small moments where I am doing something I know is likely to bring me joy. My task tonight is to make my joy-list for category two so I have a long list of ideas to pull from. Not too long since too much choice can be a bad thing but enough that I am not doing the same things every day.
There we go. Plan for celebrating the moment, being more present, and adding more joy into my days.
Here’s this week’s card:
It says: bloom with all your might.
This card uses the 4 Flowers template by Julie Fei-Fan Balzer for The Crafter’s Workshop (as well as a few others.) and Tombow markers.
Gratitude PostCards is a weekly project for 2013. You can see a detailed post on my goal and the postcards I use here.
The Body Finder is a mystery novel for young adults. Not so common in the genre. At least not without a lot of other mystical things going on. And this has some supernatural side to it, too but it’s also more teenager than some of the others I’ve read.
I will admit that even though some parts of it were more gruesome and scary than I’d like, I really enjoyed it. And I know there are sequels. A few. I will likely read at least a few more of them.
If you’re into mysteries and like young adult genre, this one is recommended.
When I looked back upon 2012, one of my favorite things was all the thoughts-related posts. As I was planning out my year and creating projects, I told myself that I would come up with a way to continue those. And here we are almost at the end of the first month and I’ve written like two posts.
Dismal failure.
The funny thing is, I think about writing stuff all day long. But then I have no ideas. I don’t know what to write about. I don’t have time to write. I am too tired. I have a headache. I’d like to catch up on TV. I want to read. I have art to do. On and on it goes.
I have nothing to share, I think.
I’ve even sat in front of the computer and stared at it for a while a few times. No ideas came and I figured if I don’t have anything interesting to say, I really shouldn’t waste anyone’s time, right?
Well I went back to my intentions and January was all about taking time off. Being quieter. Listening. And, in many ways, it’s been a quieter time than usual. My crazy life is about to get a notch or two crazier in a week when certification process starts and work starts getting more insane and I have to be super-organized to keep it all from falling apart. So taking time off in January makes sense. (At least that’s what I’m telling myself.)
But here comes February. And my intention for February is to be JOYFUL. I could use some more of that in my life. A LOT more actually. Even though my word this year is present, I’ve been trying to do a lot of gratitude and a lot of celebrate. I think those two things keep me in the now. So February is all about celebrating.
Here’s what I wrote on my card: celebrate the joy of life. drink it up. buy a present. spread the joy. how could you celebrate more?
So that’s the plan for February. Celebrate.
I want to remember that, like all things, writing comes with practice. Ideas come with practice. The more I write these posts, the more ideas come to me. And I love having a place to write down what I’m thinking. What’s important in my life right now. What are some of my struggles, my successes, my learnings. This is my little place to celebrate my life. To celebrate my every day.
To celebrate me.
So here’s a good-bye to the quiet January and a welcome to the joyful February. My hope is that even as my life kicks up a notch in its hectic-ness, I will still find a way to show up here and celebrate my life.
If you read this today, I hope you can come by the blog for one minute and tell me something you’re celebrating. Or something you want to celebrate more. I’ve come to believe celebrations are super-important and will write all about that sometime soon, I promise.
I’ll start: I am celebrating starting my certification process even though I am quite scared of it. I am celebrating selling a little art, getting published, and making a lot of art. I am celebrating getting to hug my kids in the morning and at night. Getting to take them to school and getting to pick them up. I am celebrating all my clients and their wanting to take their life to the next level. I am celebrating my quiet-er time at work. I am celebrating my husband and his pursuing his dream. I am celebrating teaching Nathaniel how to read and teaching David a little programming. I am celebrating how much David loves reading. I am celebrating all of our good health. I am celebrating the miracle of getting to go to bed early and getting a full night of sleep.
I can go on, but I will stop. I have to say just writing that all down made me smile. So I hope you’ll take a few moments and share yours with me, too, however small or huge. I will read each one of them, cheer with you and smile that much wider. I would love to celebrate with you.
Here’s to a February full of celebration!
My goal for 2013 is to make three sketches a week. If I make more, great. If I don’t, that’s ok. Trying to keep the pressure low while still encouraging myself to draw.
Here are the ones for this week:
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that’s it for this week.
Sketching is a weekly project for 2013. You can see a detailed post on my sketching journey here.
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projects for twenty twenty-six
projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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