I was talking to a client this morning and I heard myself tell her that she can look at everything in her life as a choice point. After I hung up, I thought to myself that, obviously, this is true for me, too. (True for all of us.)

We all have our own list of what’s not a choice. But, for me, with the exception of my two children, every single thing I do (or don’t do) is a choice. I exclude my kids because they are still too young to take care of themselves and while it’s true that I have the choice to leave their care to someone else or to choose to not care, I feel like since I chose to bring them into this world, and they’re not old enough to self-sustain yet, it’s my responsibility to get them to a self-sustaining state. And, I admit that this is my personal thing and I can see others defining even this as a choice point.

But everything else is unquestionably a choice in my life. Even being a wife. I am choosing to spend my day with this person. I am choosing to stay married. I am choosing to share my life with him. I have other choices.

I am choosing the job I do. It might not seem like a choice but it is. There are many ways to make money and I am choosing this one. It might not seem like I have other options but I do. I could work at a Starbucks, a McDonalds, etc. There are many places that would hire me where I could still make money. Enough to make sure I get to eat. But I choose this job. I choose it for its ups and downs. But I do have other choices (as non-obvious as they might seem.)

I am choosing to spend my time the way I do. I am choosing to do the coaching. I am choosing to wake up at 4:30am once a week to attend the certification calls. I am choosing to fill my free moments with clients. I am choosing to do art. I am choosing to sketch. I am choosing to read. To eat well and to eat badly. To exercise. To not exercise enough. To sleep. To not call a friend I’ve been meaning to call. To not return an email I keep thinking about returning.

All of these things I do or don’t do, things I say or don’t say are choices in my life. I might not be making them consciously, but I am making them. And here’s the crucial part of why this matters:

I hold the power to make other choices.

When we don’t think of events/things/people in our lives as choices, we become the victim in our life. Things are happening “to” us and we’re not doing them. But this is rarely true. (I will relent that there are some rare exceptions, but they are much more rare than one might think.) And when we’re victims, we lose all the power over our own lives. This kind of life is no better than an enslaved one where you don’t actually have choice.

There’s a famous quote about how a man who chooses not to read is no better than a man who cannot read. I think choice is like that. If you choose to be a victim, you’re no better off than a person who actually is a victim.

The one thing we all want is to have power over our own lives. Even little babies want this control apparently. (there are specific scientific studies on this.) So realizing that every minute of our life is a choice point is very very empowering. The first step is always getting conscious of it. Being aware.

Because it is only when you’re aware that you can start making changes.

If you so choose.

Back when I applied to college, there were some common questions across most of my applications. What’s your favorite book? What’s your favorite movie? I don’t know if they still ask these but what’s interesting to me is that both my favorite book (books in my case) and my favorite movie hasn’t changed since I was 17. I might have added a few to my list but the originals are still at the very top.

My favorite movie is still Dead Poet’s Society. To be honest, I think it’s quite interesting that I grew up in Turkey, in a very different system and yet this movie about a bunch of boys going to a private school in the US really spoke to me. There are so many themes in the movie that I love: non-conformity/individuality, making the most of life/seizing the day, making your mark, doing what you love. I can go on and on. The movie might be about a bunch of private-school boys, but the themes are clearly universal. (Not to mention Robin Williams’ excellent acting.)

Here’s a little clip I was revisiting today that’s especially resonant for me at this moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8fu-hq3S7A

“We must constantly look at things in a different way….Just when you think you know something you have to look at it in another way. Even though it may seem silly or wrong, you must try.”

He then goes on to say, “you must strive to find your own voice, cause the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all.” And this is yet another huge insight that I think matters deeply. But, for today, I want to talk about this idea of looking at things in another way.

I think that many of us do this at the beginning of a decision. We try to look at things from many different perspectives. Maybe because we feel like we’re at a choice point, or maybe because we have no idea how things will turn out so we try to do more visualization than usual. But, either way, I think many of us practice different perspectives prior to making a decision/taking a path.

But then we rarely ever do it again.

This path we embarked upon four years ago might have made a lot of sense then. But life’s changed in four years. We’ve changed in four years. Our priorities, our goals, things that bring us joy, etc. could all have changed in this time. And, yet, we rarely ever stop and change our perspective and look at the path again. We feel like we’re now stuck with this path, all because it might have been the right one four years ago.

I think, in most cases, this lack of revisiting does a disservice. If you took the time to “stand on the desk” per se, and look at your situation from a different perspective, you might:

1. find a way out
2. change course
3. see things in a different light
4. realize you’re in the right path after all

in my opinion, any of these will make you feel better. Any of these will help you realize you have choice.

And as humans, we crave feeling in control of our own lives, so having choice is essential.

The more I grow up, the more I am starting to believe that nothing is real. That everything I believe to be true is imbued with my stories, my perspective, my past, and my ways of seeing/believing things. Which might sound depressing but it’s also very liberating. It means that, at any moment in time, I can choose to believe a different story. One that makes me feel good. One that empowers me. One that serves me.

I can change my perspective and pick one that works.

I get to decide.

It’s amazing that, after twenty-four years, this movie can still remind me what I felt most strongly as a teenager: Life is rare and precious and it is up to me to live it the way I want to.