I haven’t been updating my left-side column with my daily gratitudes since the work craziness. David’s still writing his in his notebook and I am planning to put them back here starting this week. In honor of all the missed days, I thought it would be a good idea to make a gratitude list. Many studies show that happy and wholehearted people have a regular gratitude practice.
So let’s give this a shot. I am going to try to be very specific, I hope you can join me and leave your list in the comments. It would make my day, even if it’s just one item.
Things I am grateful for right now:
- Nathaniel’s laughter and how he says “byeeee” to his classmates when I go to pick him up from school.
- David’s little front tooth that’s still hanging in there despite the non-baby ones that are already broken through.
- The fact that the date for our trip to Turkey is approaching and will be here soon.
- Jake’s deep affection towards me and how very loved he makes me feel.
- Jake’s hugs. (they’ve been my favorite for almost twenty years.)
- That the sun is out and the kids can play in the backyard now.
- All the sketches I’ve made this year.
- A wonderful package of templates that came to me in the mail. (Thank you Jaime.)
- Startbucks lattes and raspberry chocolate cake pops.
- That I am still running 2.6 miles despite lack of desire. That I have exercised every single day since October 2, 2010.
- For both my book clubs.
- A few new friends.
- Friday morning coffee dates with friends.
- That Nathaniel and David both give me kisses and hugs whenever I ask for them.
- My watercolor pencils. I love them so much.
- Learning new things at work.
- Getting stronger thanks to regular strength exercises.
- Finally catching up on some of the videos from the classes I was taking online.
- Getting to watch some TV.
- Scrapbooking. Even though I whine as I do it, I love telling our stories.
- That the days are getting longer and it’s not pitch black when I wake up.
- That summer is coming soon and I won’t be setting the alarm.
- For awesome stash of books that are waiting to be read. Quick ones and ones to savor.
- Date nights with David — a new tradition.
- My friend Caroline and chatting with her online.
- A warm tea and some blankets when I feel like snuggling up.
- Yogurt with granola and fruit.
- And, of course, my health, my family’s health. And all the millions of little and big things we have that make our day to day life so much more joyous.
So what’s on your list right now?
Ficciones was a book club choice. I have been meaning to read it for a long, long time so I was grateful to have the excuse to finally do it.
Alas, it was a super-hard read for me. While I liked some of the stories ok, I found the writing dense and didn’t connect with any of the characters in any story. Almost all of them have twists in the end and those are neat but I just didn’t get into it enough I guess.
This book has such great reviews that I feel there must be something off with me for not liking it. Then again, I’ve never been a huge fan of short stories.
And here’s the spread for week thirteen (sorry photos are still not great quality.):
here’s a closer up of the left side:
The first story here is about the whoopee (I spelled it wrong I find out much later!) cushion Jake brought home and how much fun the kids had with it. Then about David’s daily reading assignment. And then about how Nathaniel imitates David so much. Even if it means playing with a Wii remote without batteries!
And here’s the right side:
The first one here is about the craze of paper airplanes and how it still continues. Then about Nathaniel and his love for stickers and then finally about Jake and David playing Monopoly together.
My art and our family photo along the bottom as usual.
So there we go. So far, so good. Still enjoying this project a lot.
Happy Savoring.
The Savor Project was supposed to be a weekly project for 2012. You can read about my setup here.
I think there’s a myth that if you’re an artist you’re doing art all the time. Or that you want to be doing art all the time. Or that you should wait until desire strikes you to do art.
Ok maybe there are several myths.
I believe none of these are true.
I don’t believe there’s anyone on this earth who wants to do something all the time. We, as humans, tend to go through cycles. Sometimes we feel creative, other times we don’t. Sometimes we feel blocked. Sometimes we feel tired. Overwhelmed. Uninspired. I think artists and non-artists alike feel these cycles. The difference between those who continue to just do art and those who don’t is just that.
They do it.
Art, and anything else, gets done when you do it. I believe that if we all waited for inspiration to strike before we did anything, most of us would be doing nothing most of the time. At least it’s true for me. Actually, for me, it seems like I am not moved to do anything consistently. There are some rare times I really want to sit and create a layout or make a page in my art journal. But most of the time, I’d rather just sit on the couch and surf the net, watch TV or read a book.
Not because I am lazy but because it’s the easy thing to do. And my body is tired, my mind and soul are too. They all just want to rest and take the easy route out. They don’t know that the easy route is also the unfulfilling one. They just know it’s easy. It requires the least motion, inspiration, and willpower.
This is one of the reasons I’m a big believer in the schedule. I find that if it’s on my schedule, I just do it. I don’t wait to be inspired, excited, or even have an idea. I sit at my table and an idea just comes. And if it doesn’t come, then I pick an art supply I’ve wanted to use and start putting some color on the page. I just start. I do it even if I’m not feeling it.
Same with the exercise. I get up and I am so so tired. I barely can open my eyes and I still get on that stupid treadmill. The first minutes are dreadful, but I always get into it. By the end of the first half-mile, I know I can do it. I just keep going until it’s over. I don’t think about it, I don’t whine, I don’t think about giving up. I just do it.
Same with just about anything else in my life. There are very few things that I seem to consistently want and most of those are bad for me. (Like eating chocolate. I can’t remember a time that didn’t sound good to me.) But when it comes to pretty much anything else, I don’t consistently feel the desire to do it. I just do it.
This is not to say there aren’t times when it’s ok not to do it. It’s perfectly fine to go through a stage where you explore around more and get inspiration from your surroundings, from nature, from other artists. Or change up the routine some. There’s a time for rest, too. Rest is really important. For your body, mind, and soul. They all need rest.
But this is to say, don’t wait to want to do it. Just get up and do it. Take the first step. Even if all you end up with is a colored background, a quarter-mile walk, a few pushups, it’s still better than not taking that first step. Because this way, tomorrow all you’ll have to do is just take the next step. And before you know it, you’ll be all the way there. Wherever there is for you.
The trick is not wanting to do it.
It’s just doing it.
So, get up and do it. Right this moment.
Now.
It is time.
Here are the sketches from last week:
Sunday:
Monday:
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
that’s it for this week.
Daily Sketching is a weekly project for 2012. You can see a detailed post on my steps here.
I will admit that I am still not feeling 100%.
There are moments when I feel great and motivated and deeply peaceful. But, then, a small thing can totally put me into a tailspin and next thing I know I am back in that black place. Mentally, I know that things are great. My life is quite phenomenal actually and I am truly, deeply lucky. I am working hard not to lose sight of that and not to take it for granted.
But the hard moments still seem to come.
A friend at work told me today: “You need to be less hard on yourself. You’d be more effective if you were slightly more confident. You’re clearly bright enough to do what you need to do but you seem to get stuck mostly when you’re worried.” And it’s true. I do. I am really hard on myself. And not just at work. I am hard on myself as a mom, an artist, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a woman, and all the other ways in which I might identify myself. There’s a big part of me that just doesn’t want to disappoint anyone. I want to be what everyone else wants me to be. The perfect version of me that is/does exactly what they want/need.
And, of course, that’s impossible.
Because, the thing is, I am not that perfect ideal they want. I am just me. This person is all I can be. This person is all I am.
And, sometimes, that drives me absolutely insane.
On the good days, I can see so much of what I bring to the world. All the good. All the wisdom, caring, love, and kindness. I know that there’s a lot I bring to the table. I know that there are many people whose lives I have affected in a positive way. I know that I contribute to the world.
But then there are those harder days when all I see are my shortcomings. It can start with some tiny, offhanded comment that wasn’t even intended to upset me. But it will bring out some deep-rooted idea I have and spin me into some kind of shameful place. After that, there’s no stopping that train. I dig deeper and find the laundry list of inadequacies that I keep safely tucked away to pull out on these occasions. Once I have my list out, there’s no end. I am lost into the darkness and there’s pretty much nothing anyone can say to bring me back to my senses.
Even though I know that I am only capable of being who I am, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to be what I think others want me to be. I am excellent at reading into people’s words. I am fabulous at looking for what’s wrong. At reprimanding myself. At creating criticism and negativity where there is none. Some part of me must think that if I bash myself harder than others, they can’t hurt me cause I know how to hurt myself and I do it first so they can’t get a chance to do it.
All of which, clearly, doesn’t serve me.
So I’ve decided it’s time to go back to the basics. I am going to spend some quality time journaling and getting a lot of toxic thoughts out of the way. What doesn’t serve me needs to leave. Especially when it’s stories I make up. I need to find a way to purge and I think journaling is a good start.
Then I’m going to go out and take a walk. A ten-minute walk can do wonders for the psyche. And it won’t hurt my health-goals either so it’s doubly good for me.
And, finally, I’m planning on doing some journaling and some art on the healing side. Some solid reminders to myself on what I do bring to the world. How lucky I am to have people I love so much who also love me. Make a gratitude list. Make a “things I do well” list. Decorate my corkboard (which sits in front of my table) with photos of people and things in my life that bring me joy. Change the background of my computer in the same manner. And I am going to schedule artists dates, coffee with friends, date nights and time with my kids. All of which make me peaceful and happy.
Let’s see how it works.
This is a layout I made for My Mind’s Eye February newsletter.
And the journaling says:
After you cried so much when we dropped David off on is first day of school i was very worried that your first day of school would be a disaster. I worried and worried. As we walked into the room, you saw this basket of cars and immediately began to play. When I started saying goodbye you were sad but only until you realized you got to stay. Then all was good again. I am so very grateful that you love school so much.
details:
As I mentioned, I plan to keep this project simple and fun for both of us. So, I did the same thing with the letter H as I did for letter A and all the others. I cut them all up and then, Nathaniel and I glued them down together to create this simple page:
Like each time, we talked about each of the words and then differentiated between big G and little g. Then we colored all the h’s. He wanted orange and reds this week.
Here he is gluing:
and coloring
Yey for week 8. Nathaniel really loves this project and it’s wonderful watching how much he’s growing and how many more words he knows now!
Letters with Nathaniel is a weekly project for 2012. You can read more about it here.
It’s been a rough week, at work, emotionally, and in general. This is not to say it didn’t have its wonderful moments, too. and here are some of those:
It’s a blurry shot but David did this wonderful page:
and I got to take him swimming since Jake was gone.
I loved being there with him.
He loves the water.
i love this shot cause they both laughing.
david read up about this game and then drew it, cut the pieces and created the game.
and then they played it together.
then we took a walk, but of course not before I took some photos and they made funny faces.
I love how Nathaniel’s looking at David to make sure he’s doing it, too.
Since the kids were at home and we couldn’t go away on vacation, we took an afternoon and went to the arcade at the movie theatre.
the kids really loved it. they shared a milkshake.
and played air hockey.
and driving games.
then more air hockey.
I snapped this special moment of brotherly love.
David decided he wanted to play Blokus.
we opened a new box of markers.
And the kids were very happy.
they drew for a long time.
Nathaniel was delighted to discover he could use the white pen on the black paper.
Nathaniel’s crying here cause he wanted to sit on Daddy’s lap.
and tickle time! they attacked daddy.
love tickle time.
and here we go. Here’s to hoping things still keep getting better.
Weekly Diary is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here.
Page fifteen:
I know this page is super-super simple. But I just like it. I stared at it a lot and even let it sit and I still didn’t want to add to it. Maybe the emptiness gives me a feeling of peace. Not sure. Not very collage-y either, I know. But alas, this is what we have this week.
more next week.
Journey into Collage is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here.
Here are some more pages I did:
The full text reads: Let go of the hurt you’re carrying around; it doesn’t serve you.
And here’s the next page:
The full text reads: just keep trying, never ever give up.
Well here we go. More coming next week.
I am creating multiple art journaling pages a week for now. You can read more about this project here. This set uses the Fabriano Roma papers.
And here’s the spread for week thirteen (sorry photos are still not great quality.):
here’s a closer up of the left side:
The first story here is about the boys shooting each other. Then about Nathaniel and Dad laughing and playing together. Then Hunger Games!
And here’s the right side:
The first one is Jake’s mom’s visit and playing Monopoly with David and making puzzles with Nathaniel. the next story is about the kids running and jumping on the couch and loving every moment of it.
My art and our family photo along the bottom as usual.
So there we go. So far, so good. Still enjoying this project a lot.
Happy Savoring.
The Savor Project was supposed to be a weekly project for 2012. You can read about my setup here.
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projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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