karenika

Weekly Diary – May 19 2012

here are some great moments from this week:

david playing nano ninja and Nathaniel watching him.

look at that joy in that kid.

for mother’s day, I got surprised with a mango/kiwi smoothie, some toast and strawberries with yogurt.

and some tulips. oh how i love tulips.

my boys made me some signs. and some math cause david says “mom loves math.”

more signs.

then nathaniel played with slinkie a bit.

he had fun.

and then read some. he’s fully toilet trained now. it’s quite amazing.

he’s also mastered puzzle-making. he loves doing them.

David reading for school.

and smiling for me.

nathaniel and his blankie.

nathaniel loves running around the room. this week he kept running and saying “run run, runnin’ for my life!”

right after he woke up from a nap.

some mommy and david shots.

love these.

tickle time.

more tickling.

daddy and nathaniel.

i just love this family so much.

david made a drawing of “science”.

nathaniel was still tired.

so i just snapped some shots.

of both my boys.

so happy when they let me.

so happy to have them.

and here we go. i hope your week was wonderful, too.

Weekly Diary is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here.

Journey into Collage – Week 20

Page twenty:

I wanted to play with some of my Maya Road stamps so I just pulled them out along with other Maya Road goodies and I just had fun. I like how I am not afraid to be messy with this project!

Here are some more shots of it:

Journey into Collage is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here.

Last week, I had the privilege of being on the Paperclipping Roundtable. I’ve been on the show twice before and have enjoyed every single time. I also listen to the show pretty regularly and always find it enjoyable. So when they asked me again, I was honored and excited.

I think the conversation was interesting and thought provoking. At some point, I said something that I didn’t think was controversial but I guess it was. There were comments on both directions and I’ve been tempted to respond a few times but never managed to do it. So I thought it might be good to share some of my thoughts with you.

Let me give you a short bit of context. The show was about how to get started. Staring at the empty page and getting blocked. We each talked about our process a bit and then some about what helps us unblock. There was some talk about design principles which is where I said that I was worried about the focus on design principles and perfect photography lately. Here’s what I meant:

I feel like sometimes we tend to over-stress ourselves and add a lot of restrictions to our art. If it’s your job or a service you provide, I totally understand the need to strive for perfection (or at least excellence) but since scrapbooking is a hobby for most of us, I feel like we should try to lower the stress-bar on it. And we should do whatever brings us most joy. For some people that’s learning design principles, for others it’s photography. For others it’s playing with paint. For others it’s just having fun with product. And then there are those who love journaling.

In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with any of these. I am not interested in telling others what they should or should not do. That’s exactly my point. Only you know what part of the process brings you joy. All I was saying was that instead of focusing on what others are doing/saying, you might want to find out what brings you joy and do that since, theoretically, that will mean you feel happy doing it! I hope this makes sense.

If design principles give you joy (like it does for Noell) then go for it. Learn all there is to learn. Use them. I specifically said in the show that I learned them too and use them and love them. I was just saying that I worry some people who might not care for them are feeling pressured to do what everyone else is. That people sometimes worry about looking good. Doing what others say is the right thing to do. And I was just encouraging people to remember that this is their hobby and they should find what gives them joy about it and that, finding that, will likely overcome the stuck feeling.

When I did my LOTD, I realized what matters most to me is a combination:

1. Find the story you want to tell
2. Come up with a representative title (generally a sentence)
3. Use small photos
4. Use white background

these are what set me on fire. Having my small photos, white cardstock and title, I am all set. I am happy. I am joyful. And the process goes smoothly (for the most part) for me when I have those.

So my point was that each person should figure out theirs. If you don’t know, you can try learning design principles, or photography or journaling or different products or whatever. There’s no one right thing, in my opinion. We’re all different people.

So I wasn’t saying “it should be fun and design principles aren’t fun!” or that “It should all be fun and don’t worry about your page looking pretty.” I was just saying that I am worried that everyone seems to be emphasizing design principles and perfect photography and if these aren’t what excite you, it might cause you to struggle more. And that you should make the pages for you and your loved ones, not for the internet. That’s all.

It’s totally ok if you don’t agree with me. But I wanted to be clear that I wasn’t bashing anyone’s system or way of doing it. I was just saying that I want some pressure off since it’s a hobby and something we do for fun. If doing an excellent job and focusing on design and photography is fun for you, that’s great. These things *are* fun for me. I have a photography company. I take professional photos. I studied design at school. I even have a minor in Art from college. I work for a few manufacturers and take the scrapping seriously. I do try my best. I try to do right by the people who were kind enough to offer me opportunities. I don’t take any of it for granted.

But I also try to remember that it’s a choice. I chose to do this hobby. I chose to tell our stories. And I want to make sure, for me, it stays fun and joyful. So finding the part that gives me most joy and focusing on it is a priority for me. And since doing that made me happier and less stuck, I was suggesting maybe others can try it too.

And, for me, these thoughts are not specific to scrapping. It’s for any hobby. Anything we choose to do with our free time. Ideally it would apply to work, too but that’s more restrictive and might not always work out. But, with the little time we have in this world, I try to make sure that things I choose to do in my free time bring me joy.

Maybe I wasn’t clear enough in the show. Maybe I am still not clear. I hope I am. Either way, I am totally ok with each person doing whatever they want.

As long as it makes them happy.

Art Journaling – Arches Printmaking Set 3

Here are some more pages I did:

I’ve been looking at some of the art I bookmarked in Pinterest and trying to emulate them. Sometimes it helps to do this so I can learn new ways to look at art. New strokes, etc. I don’t sell my art so I figure it’s ok to copy and give credit. So the next few pieces I’ll be sharing are like that.

The full text reads: Finish each day and be done with it.
This art is my version of: ZsaZsa Bellagio’s painting

And here’s the next page:

The full text reads: do not be afraid to take a calculated risk. all growth comes from taking chances.
and this is my version of this willow tree sculpture by susan lordi

Well here we go. More coming next week.

I am creating multiple art journaling pages a week for now. You can read more about this project here. This set uses the Fabriano Roma papers.

The Upside of Having No Choice

I was watching Dan Gilbert’s TED talk on Happiness this morning while I exercised. There are a lot of interesting tidbits in the talk but the one that spoke the most to me this morning is about choice. And how having more options makes you unhappier.

It’s also interesting how adaptable humans are. How we always seem to want to regress to the mean which is why, I assume, happiness levels normalize after a major change on either direction. And I guess it’s another example of less choice leading to just adapting and readjusting happiness levels.

But the idea that if we’re given fewer choices and fewer options to change our mind, then we’re happier with the outcome we had is quite fascinating and one worth thinking about. It means that, for the harder things in my life, if I don’t look at them as options but as irreversible decisions, I am more likely to be happy with them. That sounds counter-intuitive but maybe that’s why it’s worth extra attention.

I know Dan talks mostly about how we inadvertently just think we made the better choice when we have no opportunity to change our mind, but I was thinking more about situations where we think we have a choice and how we might be able to use this knowledge of “fewer options, more happiness” idea to our advantage. I think that if I am struggling with my marriage and think of divorce as a non-option, I am more likely to try harder to make it work. Either by overlooking the small things, or actually dealing with the bigger issues, etc. (Barring severe cases of legitimate reasons for separation, of course.) Same for work or other commitments. If getting out of the situation is a non-option, it makes it clearer in my mind. Cause I am not questioning whether I made the right decision anymore. The decision is made, it can’t be changed, so the only way to move is forward.

So we move forward.

We go through.

And we come out on the other side. Adapt. Change. Make it work. Find a way to be happy with it.

Because when there’s no other way out, we know we have to do the work.

So I decided today that I want to use this as a way of thinking for myself. It sort of connected with Tara’s post from yesterday for me. Less pining. More making it work. I decided that I won’t worry about routes I didn’t take, options I don’t really have. I won’t second-guess my decisions, my possibilities. I will just think of my decisions and choices as final (at least for now) and move forward. And I will have faith that the lack of dubiousness will result in happiness.

It seems at least worth a try.

The Savor Project – Week 18

And here’s the spread for week eighteen:

here’s a closer up of the left side:

The first story here is Nathaniel’s birthday celebration in the front yard and then moustache fun.

And here’s the right side:

The first two here are both David. One where he’s playing with puppet and two is the lego club magazine. And then the next set is the kids playing with computers (which as a computer person, I love.)

My art and our family photo along the bottom as usual.

So there we go. So far, so good. Still enjoying this project a lot.

Happy Savoring.

The Savor Project was supposed to be a weekly project for 2012. You can read about my setup here.

A Book a Week – Enclave

I read Enclave because I was looking for something quick and fun. And it was both. I liked the characters and the story. It’s nothing amazing or exceptional but if dystopian is your style I think this is a lovely read. (albeit a bit violent, but all the dystopians seem to be.)

I can’t remember if this is a series or not. Almost all of them seem to be lately. But it does have some good closure in the end which I liked. It’s a super fast read.

Clearing the Air

David came home today and he was sad. He had a rough day at school and had some negative thoughts about some of his friendships. I had a talk with him so I could understand what happened and so he could share his sadness. We decided on a possible next step and then he started his afternoon schedule (chores, play, dinner, etc.)

While he was gone, I called one of the parents of one of his friends and asked if she could maybe talk to her son to see if he felt the way David thought he might and if he didn’t mind, would he maybe call David to let him know things were ok. I insisted that she not force him to call if he didn’t feel up to it.

I didn’t tell David in case his friend didn’t want to call. And, after I hung up, I worried maybe that I did the wrong thing. Maybe I shouldn’t have interfered. Maybe this kid will dislike David cause his mom will force him to call. I wasn’t sure.

But what I did know is that if David’s anything like me, he’s going to chew on it all night. He’s going to blow things out of proportion in his head. He’s going to feel sad and alone and worried until it’s resolved. I went back and forth on it.

Maybe he won’t: He is just seven, after all.

But maybe he will: He has a lot of my genes after all.

So I wasn’t sure.

What I did know is that if I could stop him from agonizing all night, I wanted the chance to do it. I have been there before. I am really, exceptionally good at creating worst-case scenarios. When I don’t resolve issues, I can make them huge in my head and heart. I can have them swallow me whole and deeply upset me. In my life when there’s an unresolved issue, I make an effort to reach out immediately now. I apologize. I listen. I talk. Whatever it is. I just try not to put it off. This is not about “cooling time.” I do believe for some people giving them time to cool off is helpful. Or maybe even necessary. But this is more about not clearing the air. I find that the longer I put off clearing the air, the more muddled things get. And the more upset and carried away I get.

So I just try to do it. I try to remember what matters and let go of the noise. Which is the same thing I was trying to let David do. I asked him what mattered most. And he thought about it and told me. So we decided to let go of the rest and share with his friends what matters most.

I am grateful that his friend did indeed call and they talked and it seemed to have gone well. David went to sleep feeling lighter and happier.

Here’s to hoping tomorrow is that way, too.

Daily Sketching – Week 58

Here are the sketches from last week:

Sunday:

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday:

Saturday:

that’s it for this week.

Daily Sketching is a weekly project for 2012. You can see a detailed post on my steps here.

Being Vulnerable

People often email me or leave comments about how I am so willing to show my vulnerability. The thing is, I am a firm believer in sharing vulnerability. I think that’s one of the only ways in which we connect with others. When we throw “looking good” and “being fake” out the window, then we’re left with just the bare bones of who we actually are.

And, let me tell you, we’re all flawed beings. We just are. And life complicated. It’s messy and difficult and challenging. Throw a bunch of flawed people into a complicated world, and things get even messier.

For me, this is just the reality of life.

Just like the fact that we are each magnificent and wonderful. And that life is a gift full of new surprises every day.

I think the deep lows and the huge highs are both there simultaneously for both life and for each human. There are things we are great at and things we suck and and a lot in between. And there are parts of our life that are deeply challenging and other parts that are magnificent beyond our dreams. We don’t always notice all of these things simultaneously but I truly think they are all there at the same time.

So at any moment in time, we’re struggling with something. And my bet is that someone, somewhere is struggling with the same thing. Maybe not in the exact same way, but with the same issue. And feeling crappy, worthless, and alone. Just like I am at that moment. And I find that, often times, when there’s no cure for my problem, the first thing that helps me feel better is being vulnerable. Admitting my sorrow. My weakness. I feel like as soon as I put it out there, I already feel a little better. My urge is usually to sit with my sorrow and wallow and feel alone. But it never works. It just perpetuates the thought that I should be perfect. That my flaws must mean I am unworthy.

But they do not.

Let me say that again:

my flaws do not mean that i am unworthy.

Each time the conversation in my head goes in this direction, I remind myself that I believe we’re flawed. I believe all humans are flawed. Some of us might hide it better. But it doesn’t change the facts.

And I also believe that humans are good in their core. We all wish to connect and be acknowledged and seen. So I don’t believe that my showing my weakness is going to make someone take advantage of me. Instead, it will allow someone else feeling the same way to connect. To feel less alone. To realize that there are others struggling in the same way. And if there are many of us, we can help each other. We can be strong together.

We can lift each other up.

We can remind each other that we are all worthy. All of us.

And it all starts with being vulnerable. Someone, somewhere has to take the first step.

I don’t mind doing that. I am always grateful for those who are brave around me. Those who pave the road for me. Those who stand up for things. And I think being vulnerable is one of those things. Something we all need to show more to the world. Something we all need to be more comfortable with. So that we can all realize we’re in it together.

Maybe it starts here cause I feel like people here are kind to me and don’t know me in real life so it’s safer.

Either way, a step is a step. And each step makes you braver. So I take my first steps here.

And hopefully create an environment where you can be vulnerable with me.

Together we can forgive each other, give each other strength and remind each other that we are worthy.

No matter what.

you love and hug and teach him

This layout was for Maya Road CHA Winter show.

Journaling Reads:
My sweet boy i know that Nathaniel gets on your nerves sometimes. But I also see that you can tell how much her adores you and loves doing anything you do. So I really feel grateful when you ply with him and show him things. And watch out for him and are patient with him. I love that you hug him and help him. Thank you for being such a great big brother. I love you so much.

Details:

Weekly Diary – May 12 2012

here are some great moments from this week:

i prefer to use my washi tape on my art journals but nathaniel has other uses for it.

the kids played in the backyard and David was in his spiderman costume and i just snapped as many photos as i could.

david was being a great participant.

and gave me a ton of smiles.

so of course nathaniel wanted some too.

but he still doesn’t really know how to smile.

not like his brother.

he also was annoyed that the shady part was also the dirty part of the backyard.

he kept telling me it was too dirty.

this is the closest we got to a smile.

when we got inside, i snapped some more.

david posed for me.

and then i got a closeup of those eyes i love.

they found a little spider on the couch and just kept watching him everywhere.

i went to a flower-arranging class.

and then there was mother’s day tea at nathaniel’s school.

we only spent about 8 minutes there but he was so cute and i am sad i didn’t snap a photo of him bringing the plate to me. he was so careful and so cute.