December Daily – Day Thirteen

Work’s been exceptionally busy so I am trying to keep these simple. Today’s spread came in the mail. It was a lovely surprise from Big Picture Classes with a beautiful book, a card, a sweet felt ornament and some delicious chocolate. I was so surprised and grateful that I decided to make my page on it.

left side is the felt ornament. I had to wrestle Nathaniel for it. He wanted to put it on the tree but I won of course. i loved it so much:

right side is the beautiful card. I loved it as is. I added a little sticker and the date.

And that’s it for day thirteen.

A Book a Week – Succulent Wild Woman

I honestly didn’t care to read Succulent Wild Woman or any other books by Sark before. But, for some reason, I suddenly wanted to have this book and as soon as I ordered it, I got very excited about it and couldn’t have it in my hands soon enough. Then I read the whole thing in one day.

And I loved it.

I think I need to read it a few more times to be able to write about it intelligently. But I worried that the handwritten pages would annoy me. They didn’t. I worried her tone would annoy me. It didn’t.

I found the book was very raw and honest and yet not depressing which I think is relatively hard to accomplish. I think anytime someone is that honest, the results are always wonderful and though provoking and truly worthwhile.

I look forward to reading more Sark.

A Fine Balance

It’s been a rough few days here. Mostly due to work where I am trying to get some things done and there’ve been some challenges. But if you read here regularly, you know I don’t talk about work here. So this post is not about work. This post is about the fine balance between positive self-encouragement and negative self-talk.

I am fantastic on the latter. Not so great on the former.

The funny thing is, I firmly believe that I regularly work on improving myself. In many areas of my life, I try to be better. And not even better by other people’s definitions but by my own. I do the things I want to do. I work on the things I want to be better at. That’s why I started trying to sketch. Or even why I started to exercise. I didn’t lose the weight for my husband or mom or anyone else but me. I decided it was time and I just did it. While there are still areas where I falter often, I am generally pretty good at trying to tackle things I feel the need to improve.

Where I struggle is when I disappoint someone else. Or even when I think I disappointed them. (Often the other party doesn’t seem to care or worry nearly as much as I do.) I can’t seem to get over the feeling of how my inadequacy caused me to let them down. I beat myself up and go into the bad place of where I nonstop think that I am not enough. I worry about it so much that I become even more unhelpful. It’s no longer constructive.

When I look at other people who have the fine balance more under control, they seem to be able to say “That sucked, I’m sorry, I’ll do better next time.” They take notes on what to do (or not to do) next time.

And then they move on.

That’s the thing. That particular moment has passed. Even if I let someone else down, I cannot take it back. I’ve come to realize that’s the part that kills me. I so want to take it back. I so want to do better. I so want to be better. But the moment has passed. There is absolutely nothing I can do to take it back. And it’s okay.

It’s okay that I cannot take it back.

Anyone who’s decent will forgive me. Because when people see me, they can tell I care. They can tell I am working on improving and they can tell I would never intentionally let anyone down. I am confident that this is obvious about me. So instead of falling apart, what I’d like to do is stay on the constructive side of this fine balance. Be able to step back, take some notes, figure out next steps and try not to get myself into a similar situation next time.

I believe I can do this.

I believe this is what I need to work on. Not trying to do it right each time. Which is unattainable. But trying to stay on the constructive side of the fine balance between improving and feeling not enough. Knowing that I am always enough just the way I am will give me the perspective that I need to improve the steps so the same situation doesn’t occur the next time.

Yes, it all starts with knowing that I am enough just the way I am.

No matter what.

2012 Projects – Weekly Sketching

One of my goals for 2011 was to sketch more. I wanted to keep daily sketch journals or be like those people you see sketching everywhere.

I loved the idea of being able to draw. I started with portraits but then moved on to anything I wanted. I made many many many pinterest boards with ideas and started sketching daily. Here are a few of my favorite sketches from 2011:

I started with black and white but then moved to color. I love both of them in different ways.

I then moved to watercolors which is what I am exploring at this very moment. I love using watercolors and really would like to explore the medium more. I will admit that I haven’t really taken the time to properly learn how to use watercolors but I hope and plan to.

So after sketching for over 8 months, I decided I wanted to focus on illustration style for a while. I became a huge fan of Abigail Halpin’s whimsical style and wanted to emulate it and come up with my own version. I then started taking Jane Davenport’s I heart Drawing class which is more about drawing bodies and body forms. I am hoping that by the end of that class, I will have a slew of ideas on what to practice.

My goal for 2012 is to find my own little sketching voice. Whether it’s drawing illustrations or landscapes or portraits or whatever. I would like to play with different mediums, shapes, sizes, types and get to a place where I can create drawings of my own. My own ideas, my own style.

Let’s see if it works out!

December Daily – Day Twelve

Monday was all about following up on Sunday.

Nathaniel presented his board at school so I added that to the following page from yesterday:

and then I wrote about family night where we all build legos together, even though it was on Sunday:

And that’s it for day twelve.

Star Treatment

One of the things I’ve learned this year is to take time for myself each day. Whether it be to make art or to exercise or to just sit quietly and journal. It doesn’t much matter which activity I chose, what matters is that I am choosing to respect myself enough to show myself that I deserve some of my time, too.

As a mom, it’s often hard to choose yourself over the others in your life. As a working mom, I pretty much have a full plate of people to answer to all day long. My sweet husband, my precious children, my kind boss, and my amazingly talented workmates. All of these people are in my life every single day (ok so the work people tend to be more so on the weekdays, but still…) And they are all truly people that I like having in my life. People I chose. People I admire, love, and cherish.

But they are all demanding in their own way. Some out of need, others out of their love for me, and some for our combined goals. And I want to give my time to all of them. Not to mention friends, other family and loved ones, etc. When it comes to these people, I think we often feel an obligation to put them first. We often feel like we can give them all of our “good” energy and then we can make do with what’s left.

The thing is: there isn’t much left on most days.

You come to the end of the day and the work is over (at least for that day), the kids are in bed, and your husband is sitting next to you quietly working. Now is the perfect time to sit and work on your personal projects. Everyone’s taken care of and quietly content. Now you can focus on you.

Except you’re spent. You’re so tired that you cannot focus on anything and even the idea of putting clothes on to exercise is enough to make you shudder. You can’t even be convinced to do something you love like scrapping or doing art. You simply feel exhausted so you veg out in front of the TV or internet and crawl into bed when you’re tired enough.

And there goes “your” time.

You tell yourself, tomorrow will be different.

But it isn’t.

You work yourself to the bone every day. That’s what we do. We give to the people we love. We give to the people we feel obligated to give to. We put ourselves last because it seems like we can do that “later.” But I say it’s time to change that. I am not talking about a drastic “everyone can go to you-know-where” kind of change. I am talking about two 15-minute slots in your day. I’m saying for 15 minutes tomorrow morning you do something for yourself.

Maybe you take a walk or you make a sketch or you go out and take some pictures. Journal. Start a layout. Whatever your heart desires. Just for fifteen minutes. But it has to be early in the day. Way before you’re tired. Don’t worry about the todo lists or all the other people waiting. 15 minutes is not a long time for them. They love you.They trust you. They will wait.

And after those 15 minutes you will feel so good. You will feel like you took a little bit of time to take care of yourself. Luxurious time. Time you don’t usually allow yourself to take. And this will make you so much kinder and more generous towards those other people who love you and depend on you.

You deserve to take a little bit of time each day to treat yourself like a star. Give yourself some of that love and care you give to others, to the house, to your family. I feel like taking care of myself is a gift I give to my kids, too. They see that I value myself and spending time doing things I love. It shows them it’s ok to take the time to do something that gives you joy. It’s ok to take time to take care of your health. It’s ok to put yourself first a little bit each day. It makes me more joyful. And when I am happy, they are happy, too.

Because they love me.

So my wish for you is that tomorrow you take 15 minutes for yourself, give yourself some of that star treatment, and focus it on whatever it is you love to do.

December Daily – Day Eleven

After a hectic Saturday, Sunday was quieter and had a lot more words:

David lost his second tooth in one week.

and Nathaniel spent a lot of time working on his poster for school:

the page in the book was just a page protector, so I made two digital pages and added a little sticker for the date.

And that’s it for day eleven.

My family is my Greatest Joy

This is the one of the layouts I made for My Mind’s Eye for November. My word for the month was family.

And the journaling says:
Each time I wonder if choosing to work at home and prioritizing that was a good choice, all I have to do is look at a picture of the three of you to remember that you are the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced and no job can ever take the place of the happiness you bring into my life. It’s tough to balance it all sometimes but you make it all worthwhile. I am so grateful for you.

Details:

December Daily – Day Nine and Ten

And here we are for days nine and ten. Sorry for the delay.

Friday was mostly picture-less. I found a photo of the movie we went to see, added the tickets and a set of photo booth photos we took when there and that was page nine.

The next day had a lot of photos and pages. Short on words this time but that’s ok. I started with my favorite photo of the three boys and our trip’s name:

the next page was a photo so I just added some words.

here’s the spread to another view, this also has the right side page with tickets from the event, a photo of Nathaniel and a picture I took of the lunar eclipse that morning at 6am:

the back has more photos from the train.

and then I added my favorite photo of Nathaniel looking out the window:

and on the back my favorite of David looking out the window:

The next page was another photo so I added some more words.

and finally another photo I took this weekend that I just love love loved. A few words for this one and my Friday and Saturday pages were done. Still working on Sunday.

And that’s it for days nine an ten.

Reading with David – Frindle

David says:
I gave this story five stars because I thought it was great that Nick got so wealthy off of his word.

I liked the part where Nick and his friends made a pact to use the word frindle every time. It was also funny that the whole school started using it even though it meant they had to stay after school. I liked the news reporter too and it was cool that she talked to Nick and published the story of the word. It was bad that the principal got involved but great that Nick’s parents were so supportive of him. I like that Nick kept acting on his good ideas and it meant the lunch in his school got so much better for everyone.

My favorite part of the book is when Nick got to see his word in the dictionary (and his name was on there too!!) It was nice that Mrs. Granger was actually rooting for Nick this whole time.


Reading a book a week with my six-year-old son David is a weekly project for 2011. You can read more about it here.

Us Right Now & Weekly Update – December 10

jake
As the holidays approach, things are quieting down for all of us, including Jake. Though he’s been working, trading and having meetings all week, he’s still working a lot and systematically. I love watching him work and seeing how into it he is. It’s a gift to get to be with someone who loves what they do as much as Jake does. And what a great example for our kids.

karen
This week was slightly more hectic than I would have liked but it was still calmer than usual. On Friday, I went to volunteer in David’s math class and that was really fun but for some reason my day got out of sync and then I haven’t been able to catch up since. I’ve been feeling very tired. More like exhausted. This next week promises to be a challenging one at work so it won’t come with downtime but the week after should be better hopefully and I plan to get a lot of rest during the holidays.

david
David’s been having a good time at school. Making new friends even now. Preparing for the Winter Event at his school with all the other first graders, and writing stories to share with us. He’s also reading so much and I love watching him read. I love that he’s interested in reading and loves reading the same book again and again. When I was his age, my favorite thing in the world was to read so I am hoping he will embrace the gift of reading, too.

nathaniel
Nathaniel’s week was relatively uneventful. He’s now learning letters as well and loves saying them out loud. He also loves all the Christmas lights everywhere. Tonight we went to ride a Christmas train and on the way there he said, “Choo choo train, Nei Nei happy.” It made us all feel so good. So wonderful to see his joy.

Here are some of my favorite captured moments from this very week. I apologize in advance as there are several repeats between these and my december daily posts of course:

nathaniel shooting david:

and then me:

nathaniel down!

david down!

both up and shooting each other:

and finally quietly reading to appease mommy.

Nathaniel looking through catalogs and telling me what he wants while I work.

David. I love him so so much.

Nathaniel playing again while I work:

He loves this truck:

Can’t you almost hear him making truck sounds?

he went to the fire station this week and loves this hat.

showing off his drawing:

Thursday night we drove around the neighborhood to see all the lights:

My boys!!

I told you he loves the hat!

I woke up at 5 am this morning because I wanted to see the lunar eclipse. Even though I couldn’t get a good photo, it was absolutely magical to watch.

then we took family photos.

And night time was a holiday train:

Nathaniel was so looking forward to it, kept saying choo choo all day and even said “happy” on the way there. He felt so happy. And so did David!

He looked out the window a lot.

The sun was just setting.

and David looked out too, enjoying himself and the chocolate chip cookies!

And here’s our train car:

And those are some of the moments from our week. Grateful and full!


Us Right Now is a weekly project for 2011. You can read more about it here.

December Daily – Day Eight

And here we are for day eight.

The next page was just a small baseball card holder page. So I just slipped some photos from the day and a little felt star. Kept it super simple. This page has the presents my neighbor left on our doorstep and the drawing Nathaniel’s showing off:

and the back has David smiling and a photo I took of one of the houses in our neighborhood:

And that’s it for day eight. Still keeping it simple.