A friend emailed me earlier this week and said that she stopped making art because of unkind words. This particular friend had just recently found her wings and was creating a lot of wonderful art that made her soul sing. She was taking classes, learning new things, and, most significantly, creating a lot of art. She was so happy that I could feel the joy reverberate through the emails she sent me.

And then someone she cared about said these unkind words. I will give this other person the benefit of the doubt and assume she said them thoughtlessly, without being aware of the impact it would have on my friend. She probably just said the words and forgot all about them.

But my friend didn’t.

She was so crushed that she stopped doing art. Completely.

Completely.

She put her stuff away and just cried. And then busied herself with other things. And then cried some more.

When I first heard about this I felt enraged. I have experienced this same thing so many times in my life in so many different situations that I felt like it almost happened to me. Time passed and I reflected on it a bit (which was easier since it didn’t actually happen to me.)

In my experience, when something like this happens and I am confident about the subject matter, it doesn’t get to me. I generally get annoyed at the other person or might even say something defensive or mean. But if it’s something that’s still in its infancy or something I am just getting comfortable with, I am much more likely to give credence to the other person’s words.

Which is unwise.

I’d even go so far as to say, it’s stupid. This takes me back to my thoughts on qualifications. I’ve suddenly made this person’s words and taste more valuable than my own. Why would she know more than I do? Why would her taste and opinion be better than mine? Why why why?

Because I am looking for the bad. I am still evolving and still finding my way. I am not secure. I feel the need for external validation. But more than anything else, deep down, maybe I am scared that I am not good. And when someone, anyone, confirms that I am willing to believe them. Or maybe now that I am finally feeling more secure and someone I trust says such unkind words, it feels like I was punched in the face.

But just like everything else. This is all about me. It’s about my personal faith in myself. About how I make the other person’s opinions more valuable than mine. And while there are many areas where this makes no sense, art is probably at the very top of that list.

Art is subjective by definition. In a post I wrote for Julie’s blog, I said these words:

“Give yourself the time and space to play and discover what feels authentic to you. Take it from me: you do not have to do it the way everyone else does. We are all different and we have the space to express our uniqueness; that’s what makes art so incredibly powerful.”

That’s the great thing. Your art is yours and that’s exactly what makes it beautiful. No one else in the world can create it exactly how you can. No one has the same magical combination that you do.

And even more importantly, there’s magic in being in that joyful place where something you do lights you up. Where you go to bed thinking about it and wake up with the excitement of knowing you get to do art today. It’s the kind of thing that happens incredibly rarely in life.

Why would you ever let anyone take that away from you?

So I was thinking about my friend today as I sat to make my own piece of art. I was thinking how there are so many voices around us. Voices of perfect strangers whose art we admire and yet are too intimidated by. They stop us from even starting. Voices of loved ones who utter crushing words carelessly. Voices of loved ones who don’t utter anything (silence can speak loudly sometimes.) Voices of our own lack of self-compassion or confidence.

We are inundated with voices. And yet, there’s that small, tiny one inside us. The one that rises up from our soul. The one that might be the quietest but also the most important. The one that lives in our true essence. That’s the only voice that knows how we truly feel. That’s the one we need to pay attention to and foster.

Because that’s the only voice worth listening to.

So, my friend, if you read this, please know that the voice of your soul is what matters. It’s all that matters. Please, please don’t give anyone permission to crush it.