How I shone this week: I’ve been having major revelations for the last few weeks and it’s been quite the shift. This week came with some wonderful moments and some tough ones. The moments where I shine were so acute and wonderful and then times when I fail to shine are also equally acute. I shone with my kids on David’s culmination Monday night and then again at school all day Tuesday. I shone at work while I am trying to drive this challenging process. I shone on Friday when I showed up for a party for Nathaniel that I really didn’t want to go to. I’m trying. I am showing up. 

Things I wanted to get Done:  This Saturday I was still bruised from my “not shining” moments so I decided not to work. But I think I still did okay on my todo list. With the exception of exercise, I am doing well.

• Work:  Not a lot of documenting still but I’ve done the planning meetings, data collection, organizing.
• Personal: No exercise this week at all. I did a lot of journaling and a lot of art. I’ve been eating okay so far, too. Not fantastic but not terribly.
• Family: Took photos! Went to culmination, went to school. 

I celebrate: hello summer!

I am grateful for: the art, the journaling, the revelations!

I nourished myself by: taking this weekend off. I rested most of this weekend. thanks to Jake who did all the driving around for the kids! 

Reflecting on my worries:  the feedback was confusing and i am not thrilled but it culminated in something that i am hoping is positive. culmination went amazingly. i was tired friday but it was totally okay. I am on my way back to being well and should be 100% (hopefully) before my flight.

I let go of: perfection this week. 

Core Desire Check-in (bold, mindful, nourish, love):

• bold: i didn’t answer the question from last time. still focusing at work. maybe i can journal about this question this week?
• mindful: mindful of my upcoming work trip and all the preparation work I have to put into it.
• nourish: how do I nourish myself with exercise? I need to understand what this means to me. 
• love: i feel so much love for the little girl I was this week. all the revelations have been putting things into perspective for me and for her.

What made me laugh this week: the boys. tv. friends at school. friends at work.

What I tolerated this week: being sick still. 

My mood this week was: harried and tired and sad at times. 
I forgive myself for: having a tough time with this one issue.
What I love right now: my current book.

I cannot end this week’s reflection without saying that I received an email from my friend Cheryl’s son this week telling me that she passed. I’ve been friends with Cheryl for over twenty years and she was one of the most supportive, loving, kind and amazing people I knew. She left me comments here all the time, she sent me emails, she inspired me and she made my life better by being in it. I will miss her for all the days of my life and I am so incredibly grateful for having had her in my life. You are always in my heart, Cheryl. I love you.

How I shone this week: This week Jake was out of the country so I was alone with the kids. Most of the week, this ended up meaning that I worked in the evenings and tried to get ahead of my plans a bit. I got some work done but of course not as much as I’d hoped. I went to work a bunch, I went to Nathaniel’s school, I had coaching clients, I went to a party for Nathaniel and his classmates and then had a 1-1 with a friend and then went to a social event with parents from David’s school. I did math with both of the kids. I showed up. I tried. I also yelled and wanted to give up and felt hopeless at different times this week. But I got up and kept going and sometimes that’s the best shining I can do. 

Things I wanted to get Done:  I did a pretty good job on my todo list this week!

• Work: I more documentation but I still have a bunch more, of course. I did some meetings and scheduled some more. I feel good about progress here.
• Vacation: I made no new plans for memorial day. 
• Summer: I did it! booked both camps for both kids! woohoo!
• Personal: I did exercise, albeit for a short period. I did a ton of art, I finished OLW and ate some veggies though not as much as I would have liked.
• Family: Made the eye doctor appointments (amongst many other appointments.) Didn’t go hiking just in case I would be unreachable. And we took family photos!

I celebrate: a long but productive week this week.

I am grateful for: my son’s teachers. his school. for all the experiences he gets to have.

I nourished myself by: some lovely alone time this weekend.

Reflecting on my worries: david, jake and nathaniel are all doing fine so far. knock on wood. they’ve all been having fun! I’ve eaten so-so and only exercised ones. I did journal a teeny tiny bit. Did A LOT of art. I am grateful.

I let go of: being able to get it all done.

Core Desire Check-in (bold, mindful, nourish, love):

• bold: i booked a trip to Seattle, I signed up for a class at work.
• mindful: mindful of the precious time left with my kids this week as they grow up so fast.
• nourish: so so this week. 
• love: i love so much and i think i did okay job showing that this week 🙂

What made me laugh this week: my family. they are my light.

What I tolerated this week: a lot of work this week. two summit days. just long long long.

My mood this week was: tired.
I forgive myself for: not going camping.
What I love right now: warm summer nights.

Here’s to a wonderful week twenty-one! 

How I shone this week: We finally took some family shots so you’ll be seeing a lot of those in this week’s posts. This past week turned out to be much more challenging than I had anticipated. By the end of Wednesday I was completely wiped and I decided to bow out of the work fun event on Thursday so I could stay home and get some actual work done. Which I did! And it was restful-ish. But I ended up working way more this week than was healthy and I’d like to make sure not to repeat that. Though it might have to for a little while longer.  I have had high and low moments this week but overall I did my best, I showed up and kept trying.

Things I wanted to get Done: 

• Work: Did the newsletters, gave the preso, did the first document and started with yag. didn’t do the other two docs yet but working on it.
• Vacation: memorial day weekend got too stressful so we’ll keep it lowkey. sydney airbnb all booked, flight to cairns booked, woohoo!
• Summer: camps not booked, but waiting on some emails.  
• Personal: exercised none and did no art. meh. but did buy sneakers!
• Family: picked up one of the books, took photos, went hiking! but no date night!

All in all, I feel good about this week’s todos. I’ve also noticed that knowing I was going to have to write about them today really motivated me to get some of these done! 

I celebrate: going hiking again. i love it.

I am grateful for: family photos. and jake. so so grateful for jake.

I nourished myself by: not going to the all-day event on Thursday. 

Reflecting on my worries: i did get work done, not enough but still some. i finished the booking for sydney, i just have to cancel our hotel now. i didn’t book the camps but it’s ok i think and for when jake’s parents are here, we’ll just take it one day at a time. i didn’t exercise and that does suck. i did many of the todos. i did get tired but didn’t give up (mostly.)

I let go of: doing it all. taking one step at a time here.

Core Desire Check-in (bold, mindful, nourish, love):

• bold: i gave a big, bold presentation at work.
• mindful: i am mindful of the fact that i feel on and off. i’ve been trying to navigate my thoughts and feelings.
• nourish: more CSA coming this week and I’m excited. I’ve also decided I get to eat a bit of what the kids do so I am hoping that will result in more veggies for me. i also intend to both exercise and do art this week. let’s see.
• love: i love so many bits and pieces of my life. I love the sun. i love the flowers on my desk.

What made me laugh this week: much laughter friday night while I was volunteering at David’s school.

What I tolerated this week: very long workdays, especially Wednesday.

My mood this week was: exhausted. unsure. grateful.
I forgive myself for: being a work in progress.
What I love right now: the kindness of others. 

Here’s to a wonderful week nineteen! 

Three ways I shone this week: I will say that while I started the week strong, I basically didn’t really shine the rest of this week. The kids had no school on Monday so we went out, we spent quality time together and I still had some quiet time. But on Tuesday I went to work and the not-good news I was already expecting greeted me and sort of put a damper on my week, even though I’d been anticipating it. Here’s to remembering that mourning in advance doesn’t help not being sad when the news is indeed what I feared it would be. Anyhow. I basically took the time I needed for myself (and am still doing so) to feel what I need to feel here. I did all the regular things I am committed to but I also let myself mourn. Maybe that’s the way I chose to shine this week, by being in my truth.

Things I wanted to get Done: I didn’t get too much done this week to be honest.

• I did finish buying Nathaniel’s birthday presents though they still need wrapping and his birthday is tomorrow.
• I also bought all the bits for the gift bags for his party.
• I finished my shine cards.
• I didn’t figure out a plan for our Sydney vacation but I emailed a friend who can help me.
• I didn’t book a stitch of summer camps. I know this is a bad thing. I got a gift certificate for Nathaniel for one and I have ideas for both kids but I booked nothing. 
• I delivered both of the books.
• I did not send the newsletters.
• I just sent an email to check on school payments

I celebrate: a wonderful breakfast that lasted 3+ hours with a new friend

I am grateful for: a short hike we took on Saturday. Loved being in nature, loved seeing the kids run around.

I nourished myself by: mostly resting this week. letting myself feel what i feel.

Reflecting on my worries: bad news did indeed continue but i survived it and despite feeling down, i feel very supported and i am not ready to give up just yet. i didn’t journal (except to write the shine cards) and i got some done but not a lot. but it’s all ok. i remembered the books. it was mostly a blah week with some wonderful moments and i’ve learned that life is always some ups and some downs. may the downs not be really bad news even if it means the ups have to be moderate, too.

I let go of: being fake. i decided to just own who i am. always. more on this tomorrow.

Core Desire Check-in (bold, mindful, nourish, love):

• bold: trying was bold. i am grateful i did.
• mindful: allowing myself to feel the pain and sadness and being mindful of it.
• nourish: i’ve ordered a lot more fresh veggies this week, i am hoping it will lead to more nourishment.
• love: despite being sad, i know that i have an exceptional life. i am grateful for every minute of it. and i felt so much love from so many people this week. thank you.

What made me laugh this week: my new friend and i did a lot of laughing.
What I tolerated this week: sadness, vagueness, and not knowing what comes next.

My mood this week was: quietly sad.
I forgive myself for: feeling sad despite all the wonderful things in my life.
What I love right now: flowers on my desk.

Here’s to a wonderful week seventeen!

Three ways I shone this week: There were some challenging moments this week. Moments where it would be easier for me to close and go inward. Moments were I might have chosen poorly. But I tried to remember what it means to shine. I asked myself what I would do if I were choosing to shine. It was helpful to look at life through that mindset. 

• I showed up for work. Several long days this week both physically and emotionally. 
• I agreed to help out a new team.
• I spent several days out in the backyard, choosing to enjoy the sun.

Things I wanted to get Done: 

• I read all the packets and prepared for committee.
• I didn’t figure out our summer trip a bit more or find a different hotel, I decided this could wait until we’re back from our Spring Break.
• I think I finished all my little todos that are taking space on my mind.
• I’ve been spending time thinking about what it means to shine.
• I’m packed and sort of ready for our trip tomorrow.
• Listening more than I talk is always tricky for me. It’s a work in progress.

I celebrate: Spring break baby!

I am grateful for: a little break. i really need some time off and i am heading off to an adventure this week so I am grateful for that.

I nourished myself by: more backyard time. a little more rest than usual.

Reflecting on my worries: I did ok with the packets. my results might indeed be negative but alas. i am still quite exhausted. but i also am so deeply grateful this week.

I let go of: what i have no control over.

Core Desire Check-in (bold, mindful, nourish, love):

• bold: it’s been bold of me not to give up when i desperately want to.
• mindful: i’ve been mindful of feeling sad. not trying to numb it or bury it but letting myself feel it.
• nourish: i took some much needed me-time on Friday and took a nice, long bath.
• love: i love my family with all of my heart and soul.

What made me laugh this week: Nathaniel. he’s my angel.
What I tolerated this week: long, grueling work days. especially tuesday.

My mood this week was: tired, anxious and then sad. but still filled with deep moments of joy and gratitude.
I forgive myself for: things that are outside of my control.
What I love right now: having the sun finally out and enjoying the backyard again.

Here’s to a wonderful week fifteen. Hello Spring Break!

Three ways I shone this week: Ok I had a bunch of intentions this week, let’s see how well I did.

• One is to make sure I sleep as much as possible.
  • I did relatively well at this I think. I’ve continued to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night.
• Two is to get organized enough to feel like I know all that needs to get done and don’t feel like things are chaotic. 
  • Hmm, medium on this I’d say. I do feel more organized now, mostly because I got a bunch of things done but I don’t think I did the lists I implied in the post above.
• Three is to follow through with whatever the doctor says to do and to make the few other appointments I will need to make for regular checkups that I know I am behind on.
  • Well I got an Xray and my mammogram. All of which came out clean. Nothing to follow up on except going back if the pain continues.
• Four is to either book or do all the steps to get ready to book our summer trip.
  • I can’t believe I am saying this but I totally did this one. I got our visas and booked the flights. I still have to follow up with a hotel but I did the very hard (for me) part!
• Five is to be done with the taxes, at least on our side.
  • This, too, is done. We handed everything over so now we wait to get results.
• Six is to keep smiling, keep looking for the good, and keep enjoying myself just the way I am.
  • I also made a lot of effort to do this. It was a long and hectic week but I showed up to everything. To work, to social events, to my family, to myself. I did it.

I celebrate: my incredibly lucky life this week.

I am grateful for: my wonderful husband who is always generous in the ways in which he supports me and encourages me and celebrates me. I am beyond lucky.

I nourished myself by: eating more salad and protein this week. and resting a lot of the weekend.

Reflecting on my worries: i so totally booked the summer trip. i finished our taxes. i loved the benefit. i was tired but i didn’t flop. my knees are in fact a bit better and so far i haven’t dropped the ball just yet. i did spend a bunch of time worrying about finishing off stuff today which I wish i’d handled with more grace but I made it through.

I let go of: the story that things aren’t going to work out. i am embracing gratitude instead.

Core Desire Check-in (bold, mindful, nourish, love):

• bold: i showed up to a dinner where i knew no one. it was scary scary scary for me.
• mindful: i was so mindful today as I observed myself losing my calm and composure. it was really uncomfortable feeling it and doing it anyway.
• nourish: mixed bag still. eating a lot of salad and some protein but also still eating plenty of not so great things. 
• love: feeling deeply grateful and moving towards contentment. this, for me, is the very best kind of love. 

What made me laugh this week: I laughed a lot with my friend Tamara at the Benefit on Saturday. It was really wonderful.
What I tolerated this week: several trips to work. long long long days.

My mood this week was: on and off a bit early in the week but a strong finish 🙂
I forgive myself for: losing my calm today.
What I love right now: my full life. the bold steps i am taking in my life in so many areas. 

Here’s to a wonderful week thirteen. It’s almost April!