The Best Part of this Week: this was a tough week in general but the best part was getting to spend a lot of time outside in the yard.
I celebrate: mother’s day and my sweet family.
I am grateful for: all the people looking out for me. i know it’s nothing to take for granted.
This week, I exercised: I climbed 3 times a week, rode every day for 10 mins and twice for 30 minutes, did 10 mins of core and 10 mins of arms and 5 minutes of stretching and 10 minutes of restorative yoga daily. I also did week two of strength class which was 1 hour and 20 minutes of strength and 20 minutes of stretching this week. And I did two power yoga classes of 20 mins each.
This week, I said yes to: continuing to show up and do what’s needed at work.
I said no to: staying quiet.
I honored my values (love, learn, peace, service, gratitude): i seem to be going back and forth between serene and anxious but working really hard to be here and be grateful.
Top Goals Review:
Work: i did start to write up team plan and six month plan.
Personal: started art journal plan, do journal – woo hoo!
Family: did not do either of these: find painters, book real id.
My mood this week was: sad
I am proud of: i am proud of who i am and how much i try.
I release: not knowing how things are going to work out, i am letting it go.
Here’s what I learned this week: everything is transient.
For mother’s day, big boy wrote me this wonderful, touching and thoughtful letter.
And the best part? The code he wrote to compile the letter is shaped like a heart.
I know today can be a tough day for many people for a wide range of reasons. I also know it can come with a lot of expectations.
Years and years ago I used to get all excited about New Year’s Eve plans and my expectations would be set so high that we would end up having a spectacular fight every time.
After several years of repeating this, one year I got really sick and we ended up in bed playing video games all night. It was the best new year’s eve and it taught me a great lesson around having no expectations and just being grateful to be here now.
So that’s how I feel today. I am grateful for my sons who are kind and thoughtful and give hugs freely. I am grateful for my husband who is generous and loving and also had a deeply thoughtful gift, too.
I am grateful for my nephews who are one of a kind just like my sister who is the best mom. For my friends who sent me kind, loving notes today to celebrate.
And I am so grateful for my amazing mom who made all this magical family possible. Who still teaches me new things daily, who loves me unconditionally and who brightens all my days.
I am using this as an opportunity to take a moment to be grateful because I know that all of this is rare and not guaranteed. I don’t want to take any of it for granted for a moment.
Today was a good day. It started with a relaxing way to wake up, some snuggles with little boy, a lot of exercise and a lot of reading.
Then I did some meal prep, some more exercise, painting and journaling.
And now I am sitting outside again as the day gets darker and feeling that dull soreness from all the exercise joint with the serenity of a quiet evening.
There is a lot going on so these quieter days are exactly what my soul is seeking at the moment and I am trying to pay attention as much as possible.
I’ve always been a person who favors sadness. My baseline operating model is generally sad. When I was pregnant with my oldest son, it was really important to me that he never grow up to think that he was the cause of my sadness so I was determined to work on this.
I printed a huge sign to put above my bedroom door which said: “Give up that there’s something wrong.”
I would wake up every morning and see it. I’m a big fan of reminders. We are all works in progress and remembering the destination we strive for is helpful.
This was one of mine.
The boy is 16 now and I am still reminding myself to give up that there is something wrong. That everything is an opportunity or a possibility. And that perspective matters a lot.
And I get to choose the story I tell myself.
Yes to believing in the good. Yes to owning my own life. And yes to believing in the positive.
When I wrote down my goals around choosing the word yes this year, I wrote down “less catasrophizing” and “less holding on” and “more optimism” and “more adventures” and all of these goals are being put to the test this week.
I am trying to understand the balance between inertia and calm. Between optimism and resignation. Between acceptance and daring. It’s hard to tell whether the source is one or the other.
Either way, for the most part, I am finding that I’m moving through this complicated life pretty calmly at the moment. Doing the next best thing I can and trying not to think too far ahead.
The situation in India is very scary and devastating. It’s now spread to parts of Singapore and vaccinated people are dying. So if I jump to potential futures for us, I can easily get to a grim place quickly. Instead I am trying to keep my eyes down and do the next right thing at home, at work, in my life.
And really that’s all I get to do. Be here now and do the best I can.
Yes to showing up to life and yes to being present. And yes to more optimism.
