I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am lately. What I like to do, wear, eat and the people I like to be around.

I’ve been trying to understand how many of my choices are based on the conditioning or expectations I grew up with vs a genuine self exploration. How much of what I wear is what I was told was appropriate? How much of what I do was what I thought I should be doing?

I am very lucky that I chose at a very young age to live a life that felt true to me. I had kind and supportive parents and sister who cheered me on and didn’t hold me back.

And yet.

I still look at myself and my life and my choices and keep questioning the basis of many of my decisions. The invisible assumptions I make, the unwritten rules I follow.

I was thinking earlier this week that I would like to be done with all that. I’ve likely lived more than half of my life already. I’m running out of time and don’t want to waste any more of it.

I want to wear what I want and do what I want and to be able to do that I need to know what that is.

It’s time.

Yes to making the invisible visible. Yes to doing whatever I want and being and owning who I am.

#yearofyes #karenikayearofyes

I’m finding that there are some things I can do in moderation in my life and then other things where it’s just too much of a slippery slope.

16 years ago when I wanted to get pregnant, I quit diet coke and was off of it for over a decade. A few years ago, when I was at work one day, I had one thinking meh it won’t matter.

Next thing, I was having one at work daily.

And then I told myself that I can have more but only when I am at work.

And then I would bring home 1-2 cans from work but since I wasn’t buying them I could say it was still leftover from ‘work’

And then, of course, I started buying them.

And now I drink 2-3 cans a day. Some days more.

It went from one time to buying cases in less than six months. This is one reason I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. I’m not sure I could do it in moderation.

So today I spent some time thinking about other things I need to just stop doing. Even if they taste good, feel good or whatever. There are a lot of ways to experience joy in life.

A lot.

I don’t have to receive it from something that also causes harm. So I will have to start making a list and eliminate things that cause more harm than good.

Yes to taking better care of myself. Yes to owning my own truth.

#yearofyes #karenikayearofyes

So grateful to have made it to this Friday. I worked a lot today but also got some meaningful work done. Not as much as I wanted (never as much as I want) but made progress.

Now I want to mark an official boundary to pause work and start personal time. It’s been even easier than usual for work to bleed into personal time as the covid life extends out to be forever.

At first it was emergency sprint mode, then it was finding some new adjustments and now it’s about finding a normal for at least six more months. We have no clear path to vaccination soon in CA and I have a kid under 12 so he has no vaccination plan at all yet. School is about to be over in 6-7 weeks and my office doesn’t open until at least September.

All this means at least six more months of some sort of weird covid life here. Which means that I have to draw some boundaries or by the time life opens up, I will be so burned out that it will not be easy to recover.

So now starts my weekend. Rest, relax, rebuild.

Yes to me time. Yes to boundaries.

(Photo is remnants of big boy’s photography homework)

#yearofyes #karenikayearofyes