Weekly Intention: My intention this week is to try and lean into what is. One of the reasons I’d picked “yes” as my word was to say yes to what is. So I’d like to practice that this week.
This month’s intention is:March: Yes You Can: This is usually your hardest month. No break, still too cold. It feels hard to make it through this month but you can. Yes you can. Keep going. I’m glad to see that march is almost over and the days are getting longer and i love that will all my heart.
One way I will leap this week: book a vacation maybe?
One boundary I will set this week: I’m going to set this same goal from last time: Let’s see if I can start some of the art/journaling in the evenings as planned.
One area where I will go deeper this week: doing the coaching assessment.
What do I need to sit with this week? some of the anxiety i have maybe and find my way through it
I am looking forward to: a 4-day weekend if I am lucky.
Focus onCore Desired Feelings (lighter, kinder, enough, magic, wild): trying to see if i can book a vacation for spring break that would bring both some of the wild and some magic and maybe make me feel lighter.
This week’s challenges: a lot of work this week in a short period of time.
Top Goals:
Work: write up the 3 for L and 3 for D. finish coaching assessment. prep for reviews.
Personal: get back to drawing and journaling.
Family: take walks with J. do one thing with N and do one thing with D. book vacation for April.
This week, I want to remember: Time passes both slowly and fast. Be intentional.
The people who built our house made choices that conflicted with each other. They put a large, deep tub in our bedroom and then they put a small water heater that ran out of hot water before the tub filled about halfway.
When I was younger, one of my favorite ways to relax was to fill the tub, grab my book, some fruit and a delicious drink and soak in the tub for hours.
It’s one of the few ways I can relax fully into the present moment.
After we moved in, it quickly became clear I wasn’t going to be able to take baths in this house. My wonderful hubby thought of some crazy, creative ideas that involved having two simultaneous kettles going and mixing boiling water with cold water to fill the tub. The amount of effort required overshadowed the peace pretty heavily.
Ten years passed and I pretty much gave up on taking baths.
Then this past winter, it was finally time to get a new heater. This is when we had the option to spend a little more upfront and get a tankless heater. I knew that this could mean I could take baths again. But at this point I’d forgotten all about how it felt and wasn’t sure it was worth the money after all.
But we did it anyway. ( For a multitude of reasons including this. )
At first, I didn’t take any baths even though I now could. I had made up stories about how I didn’t really need it or how it was a waste of time or water.
But then I decided to commit to one bath a week for my 100 days of radical wellness project.
And once I started there was no going back.
I remembered how calming and relaxing it feels. Like a warm hug all over. Like all the weight is lifted off my body and soul. Like I can release all that I’ve been dragging around with me.
And now I’m wondering what else have I talked myself out of in the last ten years. What else am I missing out on? How can I recover it?
Yes to baths and relaxing and yes to re-finding the calm and serenity they give me.
Today I took some time to listen and learn from @melody_ross_freebird who always fills my soul. She grounded me and made me look within and filled my day with beautiful wisdom and kindness and art.
I don’t take enough time to stop reading books and do other things.
The Best Part of this Week: The best part of this week was going to the city with Jake and climbing in the gym with so many new routes and then having some delicious food.
I celebrate: big boy getting a summer job.
I am grateful for: our health and some small semblances of “normal” life.
This week, I exercised: I’m climbed 3 times a week, rode twice a week, did 10 mins of core and 10 mins of arms 4 days a week. And did yoga and stretching.
This week, I said yes to: cleaning my husband’s office.
I said no to: reading over connecting.
I honored my values (love, learn, peace, service, gratitude): i am finally starting to feel better. I’ve been trying to be patient with myself and stay in the learning space.
Top Goals Review:
Work: did not write up the 3 for L and 3 for D, did email advocates, did figure out more steps for analyst+pgm. did finish coaching paperwork.
Personal: did not really get back to drawing and journaling. still pondering on this.
Family: took fewer walks with J this week. did one thing with N and did one thing with D. did not book vacation for April.
My mood this week was: finally starting to feel better. anxious about work and still feeling much better than last week.
I am proud of: how hard i’ve been climbing. i am really trying.
I release: i would like to release my worries about work. things will move the way they do and then they will either be okay or not okay, worrying right now will really not help so I would love to release it.
Here’s what I learned this week: that i still have a long way to go.
This project has been incredible.. even on days when I do very few items on my list, I am doing things toward my wellness every single day and making the progress visible.
Meditation, exercise, connection, journaling, and rest. Did it all today.
Tonight we drove to the climbing gym in San Francisco. Since I hadn’t been there for over 14 months, all the routes were new to me. The other two gyms where we go haven’t changed in a long time so this was a giant gift.
Even more wonderfully I got to climb several 10a and 10c routes tonight. Slabs and overhangs. And it was a full, hard workout.
A year ago I couldn’t have done any of the routes I did tonight except maybe one. And a year ago I would have wanted to quit an hour in at best instead of going the full two hours of our appointment slot.
I am not athletic and any progress feels like it’s so hard to come by when it comes to physical ability, but tonight I could see and feel that I’m getting better. That a lot of practice does in fact lead to progress. That I have to just keep going and keep showing up.
Yes to progress. Yes to getting stronger. Yes to showing up again and again and again.
Little boy and I ventured out into the world today. Just for 30 minutes, we drove to a small coffeeshop/bakery and had a croissant and coffee and dessert.
And it was magical.
I did a lot and nothing today and now I sit here, wiped, and look back upon my day and wonder where it all went.
This is part of the year of yes for me. Yes to having unexpected days. Yes to socializing so much in one day that the introverted side of me feels completely depleted. Yes to helping my husband for a long time. Yes to taking little boy out into the world for the first time in months and months. Yes to being there for others.
It’s ok if today wasn’t planned. Yes to what is.
I want to be able to sit here with what is and be not just but grateful for it all. For how full life is. Books will be here forever. But people won’t. So here’s to celebrating the people today.
Yes to connection. Yes to social time. Yes to unexpected days.
There is so much going on lately. I feel like I am carrying a million feelings simultaneously:
Anxiety for some changes I know are coming but don’t know what or how. I worry in the face of the unknown.
Grief for people I love who are suffering or struggling.
Joy for my oldest who accepted a summer job that he’s excited about.
Overwhelm with all I have to do but can’t muster the motivation for.
Disappointment for not being able to shed some bad habits I am so ready to be rid of.
Pride for my progress at the climbing gym and at my decent run at an 11a today.
Sorrow for reasons I can’t pinpoint but is here anyway.
Anticipation around vaccination and when it might ever be our turn and what it might mean.
Anger and despair for all the racism and hate that seems to be exploding exponentially.
Overwhelm and worry about the wellbeing of my kids. My husband.
Yearning to see my parents and family again in person. To hug my friends.
Fatigue due to a combination of emotional, physical, and mental overflow.
And overwhelming gratitude for the very large collection of privilege and luck I have.
All of this lives inside of me at every moment of every day. Different ones pop up at different times but it’s all jumbled in there and I am making space to acknowledge and sit with all of it.
Yes to living the width and the length of my life.
Sometimes it’s about big steps and sometimes it’s about little ones. Today I received a fun new way to pause and care for my nails. Let’s see how it goes.
Small steps and big steps. I welcome it all on the journey to radical wellness.
One of the side effects of covid has been living life in suspension. I feel like just moving through life’s regular motions has felt a monumental effort to me.
In the last year I’ve had to remove a d buy a new tree, get a new fridge, and install a new water heater. All of these are painful and hard for me and part of life. And they were exceptionally complex with covid layered in.
So was basic life like taxes and school forms and work decisions. Some days just making through the day feels like a major achievement.
All of this means there’s little room to think about goals, ambitions, life choices.
I feel like what I’d like the most is for everything not press pause for a while until we’re in the “after” and can have breathing room and can store some energy to live life again.
But then I also think about how life is passing in the meantime and how I have a lot of little choice points every day. I might not have the bandwidth to think about major life decisions but I still can think about how to spend this day. How much attention to give to my kids or to exercise or to connecting with friends. I can still make changes to make my life align with my values.
In the end, lots of little changes might end up being just as effective as a big one. What is life if not a collection of moments.
Yes to making small choices. Yes to doing the best I can. Yes to giving myself grace.
