You can read about the start of this project here.
And here we are. Another month is over.
Goodbye, Spring, Hello Summer!
Shining Means is a Monthly Project for May 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here.
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I started dating Jake in 1994. We have been together 23 years. I am 42 so that’s more than half my life. I’ve spent more time with Jake than any other human being. I’ve lived longer with Jake than I have in any home, in any city, in any country. Longer than I’ve had any job. The only person I’ve spent more time with is myself. This week, we celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary. We went to a lovely dinner on the way to the airport to pickup David from his DC trip. We didn’t do flowers, presents, fancy celebrations. We don’t tend to do that. I have nothing against couples who do or those who don’t. I’ve just learned over the years that, for me, what matters most is that he’s stood by me in all of my moments. Good ones, bad ones, sad ones, crazy ones, incredible ones. He’s been there the whole time. He held me, he sat with me, he made me laugh. He has made my life so so much better and I am grateful for every single moment we’ve spent together. Twenty-three years later, I am still as much (if not more) in love with him than I ever was. Here’s to many many many more, my love. Thank you for marrying me. I love you madly.
Stories from 2017 is a year-long project for 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here.
I had this long conversation with David the other day in the car. I told him that I want him to not get so upset when he hears criticism from me. That I am the best person to criticize him because he knows without a doubt that I love him and he knows without a doubt that I will forever love him with all of my soul. So he knows that my criticism is coming from a place of love. From a place of encouraging him to learn and grow and try doing differently. I then told him that I would like him to take risks and to be brave and to be willing to fail. And that none of that can happen if he’s not open to criticism. Because failure comes with a lot of that and failure stings. And it’s hard. And it hurts. And it’s inevitable. We all fail. In ways small and big. I have yet to meet a person in my life who hasn’t failed. Because part of living is taking chances. However small. When you take a chance, there’s a statistical probability that you will fail. And what matters is not whether you fail or not. Because failure is guaranteed. What matters is how you handle that failure. What matters is where you choose to go from there. For me, shining means sitting with the failure, feeling the pain, letting it hurt. And then learning what it was there to teach you. Growing. And then moving forward so you can take more chances, try again, and apply your learnings. So you can learn, take a chance, fail, grow, learn, take a chance, succeed, take another chance, fail, learn, grow and keep doing it over and over again. I believe that it’s the only way to move forward. Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
Weekly Intention: This is a short week since Monday is a national holiday here. Tuesday I have a trip to David’s school and one to the doctor. Wednesday I am at work all day and have meetings all night. Thursday, I am at work in the morning and then at social even for Nathaniel’s class midday. Friday it looks like I might be back at work again. Saturday and Sunday we have one kid event each. Thursday’s also the last day of school for Nathaniel. Hello summer. Things I want to get Done: Here’s the list for his week. Not a really long one this week. I’ll have to brainstorm some more.
This month’s intention is: May: Help others Shine: Ok now it’s others’ turn. It’s time to be the mirror to their light so it can reflect off of you. Think of ways big and small that you can help people in your life see their own light this month. Smile. Show them how amazing they are. Thank them. I can’t even tell you how amazing I find the fact that I wasn’t able to do this once this whole month. I think it says a lot. Maybe I can sneak in a surprise there for Tuesday and Wednesday? June is: Shine Through: Let yourself be seen this month. Express yourself. Be true to you. Own who you are. I expect to start this on Friday. Let’s see if I can. Ways to Shine this week:
I am looking forward to: a 4-day week. summer. This week’s challenges: Wednesday will be a bit challenging this week and scheduling these meetings is proving to be tough. Otherwise, it looks like it will be an okay week, hopefully. Top Goals:
I will focus on my core desires (bold, mindful, nourish, love) by: remembering what matters most and trying not to lose sight of it. This week, I will say yes to: stepping up. This week, I will say no to: doubting myself. taking it personally. I am worried that: i will mess up. meetings won’t happen or will without me or will go badly. feedback will be that i am still not actually ok to go. some bad news from somewhere else. david will have a bad last few weeks of school. i am mostly worried that i am not worried enough 🙂 This week, I want to remember: that it will be ok. it really will.
How I shone this week: Last week was another week of a lot of work, a lot of meetings, a lot of being tired. David left for DC on Saturday and I left for Seattle on Monday and came back on Tuesday. By Wednesday night, I was missing him so bad, I couldn’t see straight. It took all my energy to make it to Thursday night. But I made it. I worked hard, I tried to show up in every way so that I could be the best version of me. I am proud of my work but I love my kids so madly that it’s where I want to shine more than anywhere else. Things I wanted to get Done: I walked into this week without a big todo list but then the list grew and grew and I ended up working all night Friday and most of Saturday to get to a good place with my list.
I celebrate: David being back!! I am grateful for: my manager. he is so incredibly supportive. i am very lucky. I nourished myself by: getting a bunch of items done. i feel good about it. Reflecting on my worries: nothing happened to David and he had a great time. Flight was on time and I even made it to an earlier flight on the way back. I didn’t annoy anyone so far. I am quite tired. I ate so so. I did the glow homework 🙂 The class at work was so so but I plan to make the most of it. I let go of: i try not to have work seep into the weekend but this weekend i got a bunch of personal work to-dos done and i feel good about it. Core Desire Check-in (bold, mindful, nourish, love):
What made me laugh this week: friends at work. i really enjoyed my trip to seattle. What I tolerated this week: david being gone. a long work week. travel. My mood this week was: rushed. Here’s to a wonderful week twenty-two!
Life is an exercise in showing up. You can’t do anything if you’re not there. You can’t do anything if you don’t participate. It doesn’t mean not being scared. It doesn’t mean not wanting to get under the covers and hide. It means showing up anyway. It doesn’t mean not making mistakes. It means getting up and dusting off and showing up again anyway. Again and again and again. I work on this every single day. I’d rather hide in the shadow. I’d rather everyone leaves me be and I can leave them be. But I don’t. I choose to participate. I get into the light and let it shine on me and try to do more good than harm. I am scared, worried, and have to fight my instincts every moment. But I show up anyway. Because I can’t shine if I am not there. Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
Not so great at this one. But isn’t that what these cards are about? Remembering what it does mean to shine and making the recurring choice to honor that. I know that when I choose protein and vegetables and water and I stick with that choice, I feel better. I know that when I move more, I am increasing the duration of my life. The way in which I will age. I know that when I journal, I gave my soul a way to speak to me and let me know what’s going on. All of these have definitely had an impact on my life. On my ability to shine. But these particular things are hard for me. It’s easier for me to multi-billion dollar prioritization exercise across three timezones than it is to wake up 20 minutes earlier and exercise. Or than drinking more water. It’s just the way it is. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get to choose it. That doesn’t mean I take the easy way out. It means that if I want to choose to shine, I get up, I show up, and I do the hard work. Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
I then moved on to Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine which I’d read was like the Ove books but even though I did like it, I don’t think it was as lovely as the grandmother one I read a few weeks ago. I sort of guessed the small twist in the end but all in all it was okay. I then picked up The Dance of Anger because it had been a while since my last Lerner. I liked this book. I need to listen to it again and I know I will learn more each time. I then moved on to The Boy on the Bridge which is a prequel to The Girl with All the Gifts which was such a sweet, lovely surprise of a book. This one was different, more science-focused for most of it but in the end it was a lot about what it means to be human. I liked it. I then moved on to The Light we Lost which was an okay book but I am not sure the time I spent on it was worthwhile. I sort of guessed the ending of this one, too. And finally, the next book in line from the library was Windfall. It was okay but also not amazing. I guess this was a week of okay books but not many great books. Here’s to hoping next week is better. Books I Read this Week 2017 is a year-long project for 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here.
There are two main things here:
Both of these are ways to show love to them and to me. When I am shining, I do both. I know my boundaries and say no when I need to and I say yes even when I don’t want to. The difference for me is the “need” vs “want.” I can easily sit and read all the hours of every day. I love to read and I can choose to do that over anything else. I don’t like to drive my kids to playdates or birthday parties or anywhere else that I know I will have to do smalltalk. I hate small talk. I hate it. I hate it. So I avoid it at all cost. Except when I need to do it for my kids. I may not want to go to these parties, but I still go. I choose to be there. I choose to show up because I love my kids and I know these moments are important for them. But there are also times when, being an introvert, I am so depleted that I cannot handle one more event. And at those moments, I ask for help. Jake takes over and he does all of what I can’t do. (In fact, he does almost all the birthdays now, bless him.) Shining means showing up for the people I love. Including myself. Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
Mind:
Body:
Soul:
taking it all one day at a time. Nourish Me Week 2017 is a year-long project for 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here.
This is such a small thing and yet such a big thing. As I get older, I am working hard to learn that what matters most in life is being able to be exactly who I am. Unapologetically. This doesn’t mean being in people’s faces, or having an aggressive attitude. I can be who I am quietly, patiently, and kindly. I can embrace who I am without rejecting who you are. And when I shine, I embrace myself 100%. I embrace my good qualities and my not so good ones and everything in between. Accepting and embracing doesn’t mean that I don’t try to improve, it just means I am not beating myself up. It also means I am owning who I am. I can only change what I am willing to accept. Denial doesn’t lead to change. I don’t even want to conform in my clothes anymore. I want to wear makeup that makes me happy. I want to wear clothes that make me smile. I want to be able to be me from the outside in and the inside out. When I do this, I shine. I can feel myself shine when what I wear is a reflection of who I am. Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
There are four kids leaving Nathaniel’s class this year. Two of the moms got together and organized a Good-pie party (named after this book). The whole class brought pies (pizza, savory, sweet) and the kids each signed these lovely boards per kid. Nathaniel got sick so we ended up having to go home early but this still was the most magical good-bye from his class.
Stories from 2017 is a year-long project for 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. |
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This card says: Shining means moving forward anyway and not letting others or the circumstances tell you who you are or what you are worth. Shining means sitting with the pain. Standing in the hard work of being there with the hurt. And doing it anyway. Being there + moving forward anyway.
This card says: Shining means showing up being willing to be seen. Stepping into the light. Not being afraid to show myself. Not being afraid to say what I came to say. It means showing up again and again even after it hurts. Even when it’s hard. Especially then.
This card says: Shining means taking the time to heal. Resting my body + soul + mind. But also taking specific action towards healing. Taking the time to move and to journal. To watering my soul, body, mind, so it can bloom.
I started this week with 
This card says: Shining means being willing to do things for the people I love. Even when I don’t feel like it but also knowing my own boundaries for when it’s best to say not right now please. It’s taking the time I need to be my best self for the people I love.
This card says: When I shine, I wear things that make me happy and bring out my inner light. I do not worry about looking good or right. I spend my energy on feeling food and right. I choose to sparkle inside and out. I show up exactly as I am.
