Ranunculus season is almost over and I already miss these flowers that make me so happy.
I have a lot on my mind today. We had a two-hour educational session for Juneteenth which was inspiring and thought-provoking. I also did some learning on my own. And as always, it reminded me how much more I have to learn.
Then I had some vulnerable conversations at work. That were good but then comes the vulnerability hangover that brene brown talks about so I am feeling some of that right now.
And i am trying to sit with it all and be present to what is instead of doing something like I often want to.
One of my goals around picking the word ‘yes’ was saying yes to what is. Being present to what’s here.
Being vs doing.
Being is really hard for me. I’d much rather do. I like to help, serve and make things better. But some things take time, other things are completely out of my control, and yet other things will not get better and it’s just life.
So instead of fighting it or beating myself up for not fixing it, I am trying to be here, feel my feelings and do the best I can when it’s possible.
Some days I do better than others but it’s always hard. So here I am today sitting with it all and working on being.
Yes to being. Yes to leaning in to what is. Yes to learning.
We’ve had a lot of changes at work lately and my day to day conversations and meetings and interactions have changed quite a bit.
Even though I am spending time with many people I’ve known for quite some time, the substance and interaction models we have changed.
As a result, I am trying hard to not walk into these meetings with preset ideology on who they are and how they will show up. I am trying to be open and keep a beginner’s mind mindset.
And I’m noticing how hard that is.
It’s so hard to shift how we see people once we’ve made up our mind about them.
It requires a concerted effort and an intentional mindset. And then I try to remember that everyone else likely feels that way about each other too.
Human interaction is so complex and interesting.
Yes to learning and growing and trying to hold on to that beginner’s mind thinking.
I don’t know why some people are worriers whereas others just assume things will work out.
I also don’t know why I was placed in the former camp.
I spent the day worrying about the rat in my car, of course. And I am very grateful to report I managed to lure it out of my car.
The internet, once again, came through for me.
We parked the car in the sun all day, then I opened the door and quietly waited. It jumped right out of the car.
After a moment of disbelief I closed the car door and my neighbor and her kids and I watched as the rat scampered around for quite some time. In broad daylight!
Anyhow, the car is at the mechanic now and if hopefully nothing is wrong with it, the next step is to get the car detailed. Here’s hoping that’s all there will be to this saga.
But here’s the clincher. So did I get the rat out because I worried endlessly until I solved it or was my husband right to not worry because look it’s solved now ( cause I solved it!! )
It feels to me that it’s much better to be in the group of people who don’t worry non stop because life seems to always work out.
I wish I could be the non-worrier type.
But at least I got the rat out, so we’re calling it a win for today.
Yes to resilience and not giving up. Yes to rat-free cars!
Big boy started a new job today. Little boy started his summer plan. And I had my last off day before the new chapter starts at work tomorrow. Here’s hoping it’s the best one yet.
I am trying really hard not to add chores to my June days but the rat that appears to have snuck into my car might have other thoughts. Now I have to make a mechanic appointment.
Weekly Intention: I get a new manager this week. This is a big deal. My intention this week is to be open and kind and gracious and open-minded. And quiet and open and observant.
This month’s intention is:June: Yes to Light: Breathe in the fresh air. Summer is here. Smell the water. Go outside. Sit in the sunshine. One more school year is over. Celebrate your life. Yes let’s schedule some celebration. I’ve been sitting outside and it’s magical.
One way I will leap this week: maybe some more emails? maybe just changing my perspective at work. show up differently.
One boundary I will set this week: still not clear on this.
One area where I will go deeper this week: journaling and an art practice are the two.
What do I need to sit with this week? anxiety and hope.
I am looking forward to: meeting my new manager for real.
The Best Part of this Week: This week was a purposefully quiet week. I deleted all my meetings except for the few I had to attend and then worked offline and read some. It was really nice to have some downtime, however small.
I celebrate: end of the school year for my boys, it was a long year and they persevered like champs.
I am grateful for: another long weekend coming.
This week, I exercised: I climbed 3 times a week, rode every day for 20 mins and once for 45 minutes, did 10 mins of core and 10 mins of arms and 5 minutes of stretching and 10 minutes of restorative yoga daily. I also did week five of strength class which was 2 hours of strength and 30 minutes of stretching this week. And I stated a yoga series.
This week, I said yes to: taking some downtime.
I said no to: pretty much anything besides reading.
I honored my values (love, learn, peace, service, gratitude): it was a tough week with ups and downs but i am still actively working on this.
Top Goals Review:
Work: i did all of it and now i have another long list 🙂
Personal: still did not really continue journaling plan, stopped illustration plan, did OLW but i need a new journaling and art plan that i can sustain
Family: spent time with J, calendared painters, done with DMV, found a driving class for D, sort of found more projects for N.
My mood this week was: numb and tired
I am proud of: i am proud of taking it slow this week and how open to feedback i am.
I release: all of my anxiety from this week, let’s go.
Here’s what I learned this week: i get to choose how i make others feel.
I never reread books. I always think that there are so many new ones to read, why would I go back to one I read?
I do sometimes rewatch movies but not very often.
Little boy rereads all the time. He gets joy from the comfort and familiarity of a story he knows and loves. Like a cozy blanket.
I used to get frustrated by that but I’m learning that there’s no one right way to be. Learning to release my ideas of right and wrong is a lifelong journey but the kids are definitely helping.
Yes to embracing who we are and embracing who others are too.
