A few weeks ago, I mentioned how David’s school has a regular Monday morning assembly where they talk about topics that change each time. David told me last week that he was going to be the class reporter for this week’s meeting so I decided both Jake and I should go be there to support him.
Despite some early morning chaos, we both made it there and it was clear that David was very happy to have us there. Before the class reporters, the main topic was presented. This morning’s topic was about the migration of the Monarch butterflies. And she talked about several amazing aspects of the butterfly and their migration across very large distances and how the great-grandchildren know exactly where to go and when by instinct even though the original family member butterflies are no longer around the guide them.
But the story that stuck with me the most was this one:
I am going to reword but it was about a man who found a butterfly right as it was coming out of its cocoon. He watched for a while as the butterfly struggled to come out and then it looked like the butterfly was stuck. He took a pair of scissors and gently cut the opening so the butterfly could come out. And it did. It had this big body and tiny wings. After a short while the butterfly died.
The man didn’t understand that the struggle of emerging is nature’s way of forcing blood out of the butterfly’s body and into the wings. The struggle is essential for the butterfly to live. If it does not struggle to emerge from the cocoon, fluid stays in the body, and the butterfly cannot survive.
And then when I came home, I read my daily email from the Ordinary Courage class and at the end was this one question:
What would happen if you tried on the perspective that your dark places are actually strange lights waiting to help you find a new way?
What if struggle is an essential part of survival? What if you have to go through the dark to live a full and extraordinary life? What if the darkness is what you need to travel through to get to the light on the other side and to be exactly who you’re meant to be? Without the struggle the butterfly didn’t even get to live. It never developed to what it needed to be to survive. What if this is also true for us? What if by avoiding the light we’re never growing the wings we need to have?
The homework email also has this quote:
The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows. — Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
I am a firm believer that we need to face the dark. But I didn’t think too hard about going through the struggle before. I know there’s maturity in knowing when to walk away (this is very hard for me) and I do work hard despite struggles but I don’t always think that struggle is actually transforming me so I can be exactly who I need to be. I like that perspective.
I like idea that the struggles that seem inevitable in my life come with the gifts of making me the person I am meant to be.
After the wonderful talk, David did get to get up and represent his class and he was wonderful. He wasn’t nervous. He read clearly and enunciated well. We were both very proud of him and walked away grateful to live the kind of life that allowed us to share this experience with him.
This layout was for a brand new challenge from Maya Raod.
Journaling Reads:
My sweet boy, when you see a camera you always think of ways to be funny and silly. Even though I sometimes wish you’d give me more of those nice smiles these faces and looks you give me show so much more of your personality and they always makes me laugh so much. I love that you’re funny and sweet and quirky and that you love to make me laugh. I love you so much my boy.
Details:
The challenge was to create a layout using only white cardstock and six Maya Road products. “The designers were allowed to use freebies which included sewing items,adhesive, 1 piece of patterned paper, scissors, pen, punches, die cutting items and paints.” Yep, Caroline was inspired by my crazy obsession to create white layouts! You can see the amazing range of layouts with such a limited challenge by downloading the newsletter. (It’s 2MB)
Challenge yourself to create something amazing with white cardstock and some Maya Road today!
David says:
I gave this story five stars because I thought it was nice that the dragon tried to get Elmer home to his parents.
I liked the part about Feather Island and how he ran into his old pet bird, Flute. I thought King Can’s story was interesting and I liked that they dug up the treasure and all the things they found in it. It was nice of the King to give some of it to Elmer and to the dragon and even to Flute. I thought it was nice of Elmer to give some presents to Flute.
I liked that when they got home the dragon gave the watch to Elmer so he could give it to his mom, My favorite part was that Elmer made it home safely and gave presents to his dad and his mom and even played the harmonica for his father. And that the dragon is going home. It was a very happy ending!
Reading a book a week with my six-year-old son David is a weekly project for 2011. You can read more about it here.
jake
Good week for Jake. A few meetings, a lot of traveling back and forth between the city and Berkeley and here so long days. He was also nice enough to go get my parents from the airport and to get our carseats fixed. We moved them so Nathaniel’s now facing forward. Jake took the car to the professional installation place and ended up installing the whole thing by himself. A lot of work but now it’s done.
karen
Crazy week for me. I spent all of early this past week trying to get a new build done and then I pushed it out and we found some last minute issues so I had to work feverishly to get them all resolved and fix and push again. I also didn’t do as much art journaling as I am used to. And now that my parents are visiting, I imagine it’s going to quiet down even further for a while. But that’s ok. I really am so glad to have them here.
david
David had a great week at school. He took his gratitude journal to share. He got a bunch of books and he seemed to have a lot of fun. He didn’t have school Monday so it was a short week for him. With my parents’ arrival he‘s also been super-happy. He got a LEGO book, a science set and a Batman cave so he’s been playing the whole time and he’s just thrilled to have my father to play with and tell stories to. Monday he gets to talk in front of the whole school, representing his class.
nathaniel
Nathaniel is his happy, jovial self. He’s really into counting lately but refuses to say six or seven. So he goes one, two, three, four, five, eight. And no matter how much I say six or seven, he will not say them. He’s still loving school. As soon as he walks in he kisses me and says bye and goes off to play. I am so grateful that he’s so happy there. He’s also super-happy my parents are here and loves his new train set and cars. He’s been playing with and kissing and hugging my parents non stop. Wonderful week for all of us.
Here are some of my favorite captured moments from this week:
Last sunday’s family shot:
and tickle-time:
on Monday we played with stamps:
Nathaniel adored doing it.
So did David.
And then they colored them in, too.
Here’s Nathaniel’s “don’t take my photo” face.
and a smile from David:
Nathaniel played with his trains a lot while David was at school
I love this smile.
I love this one, too because David’s reading so much now. He loves to read all the time.
Little boy and his blankie.
David’s don’t-take-my-photo face.
I tried to snap one with my dad and Nathaniel but he wasn’t cooperating.
And it was even harder to get one of the four of them.
And here we are at the last few hours of the weekend. I hope yours was well.
This morning I was reading to David as he ate his cereal. He was eating it so fast that it drove me insane. I said “You need to first chew your food and then put more in your mouth, David, this is not a race.”
And then he told me that when he and Nathaniel are eating vegetables I encourage them to race. He said that when Nathaniel finishes first I always say “Good job, Nathaniel.”
“So does that mean you did a bad job, David?” I asked.
“Yes,” he answered unequivocally.
I put my book down and told him that he shouldn’t interpret it that way. Nathaniel got a “good job” because he finished his food in a timely manner and didn’t play with it and ate all the vegetables. I explained that when he does the same thing, he also gets a “good job,” there isn’t only one to get.
I then explained to him that the only person he should be competing with, in life, is himself.
I firmly believe that what makes us most successful is when we strive to become a better version of ourselves. (And not better than someone else.) In my experience, each time I tried to compare myself to someone external source, it’s led to frustration and disappointment. And, often, failure.
There are situations where one might feel like life is a competition against others but I think, in all the areas that matter, all we need to do is be the best version of ourselves we can be.
Even in a relationship, I feel like if I can just focus on bettering myself, my attitude, my expectations, my reaction, etc. I am much more likely to be successful than if I compare my efforts to the other person’s. Same goes for career and school, etc. Each of us is different and we all have different capabilities. Different strengths and weaknesses. Different ways and speeds of learning and growing. And I think comparing to others is just a path to frustration.
Not only that, it’s also a copout. Sometimes you can do MUCH better than others. Why wouldn’t you want to? And, I feel like being others-focused means you’re not working to grow in the ways you might want to. You’re letting others make the decision on what you should work on next. You’re letting others dictate your life.
How can that be a good thing?
So I told David that all I will expect from him is that he works to be a better version of himself. Not the best reader in class but a better reader than he was yesterday, etc. I explained that, it’s what I try to do in my life and that I will never compare him to Nathaniel or vice versa. I will only compare him to him.
This is something I try to make sure to stay focused on regularly. Am I doing something because I am trying to be something someone else is? Maybe it’s someone I admire or look up to. But even then, it’s better for me to admire them and be grateful that they inspire me, but not to try to be like them.
I am me and I am most powerful when I focus on who I am and how I work.
I bought a new pair of jeans this week. I’d like to have waited for a little more weight loss but my older ones were way too big and it was starting to look a bit terrible. In fairness, they are super-stretchy but still what I bought is 5 sizes smaller than what I went into the store with. So even if the stretch adds 1-2 sizes, I am certainly moving in the right direction. So that makes me happy.
So this week’s weigh-in was a bit off. The Wii Fit broke and then worked again the next day so I am not sure how much to trust the results and I am not relying on them. I finally bought a digital scale so I will use that from now on when it comes. It does appear that I am not losing weight as much. Which is ok except that I am struggling with the snacks. My meals are ok but the snacks are hard for me. I eat peanuts and fruit at the moment. And I need a wider variety.
I plan to focus on that for the next few weeks and also integrate chicken back into my diet too. It disappeared in the last few weeks and I think I need more protein in general. So there we are; another week of moving things forward.
Another one of the assignments we did in Karen’s Pathfinder class was to put together a Life List. I’d seen this on Karen’s blog before and on Mighty Girl’s too and for some reason I was never tempted to create one.
Not even during the class.
But remember how I said I am a good student and I do my homework.
So I did it.
I came up with a list of 75 items so far and they are not in any order:
Ride a hot air balloon
Photograph all public parks and beaches in California
I don’t look at this as a bucket list or even a list that must get done at any moment. Just a list of fun things that bring me joy. So the idea of having them in one list makes me happy. The items might change over time. I will likely add more. I might remove some. And I might alter some. I borrowed some items from all the different lists I browsed in case any of them look familiar to you.
But for now, I consider this assignment done and I am actually glad I did it.
The full text reads: Lean on your real friends, that’s why they are there.
I used acrylics on this. I like the colors and softness.
And here’s the next Roma paper page:
The full text reads: Take a break and let your soul rest.
The little bird is from Little Yellow Bicycle. The rest is crafter’s workshop, acrylics, stamps, stitching.
And here’s the last Roma paper page:
The full text reads: Art saves, again and again and again.
I used a little yellow bicycle frame and some Tim Holtz wings. The rest is same as always. I love the colors on this page. Art has been saving me and my soul so much recently.
and with that the set of Roma papers are gone. I loved loved, loved working with these papers. It might be my all-time favorite so far. I will have to get my hands on some more of it. I also loved the size which was 8.5×9.5. Good size for me.
Here are all the pages:
and
I like how, like my layouts, they are similar but different. How you can sense an emerging style. I am still exploring but, over all, I really like these. Here’s a little video with the finished book:
And now, time to move on to the next journal. My next one is a Komtrack journal with Canson Watercolor paper. These books are specially made to take the spiral bound pages out, work on them, and put them back. So no binding issues. You can also buy the pages loose. More on this on the next post.
I am creating multiple art journaling pages a week. You can read more about it and the book I am using for these pages at the top of this blog post.
I’ve had a friend email me today to ask me about how she can stay involved and learn from all the classes she’s taking. She mentioned how I take classes and still manage to do my daily projects. Coincidentally, I was already thinking this morning about the different kinds of online classes and what I like and why, etc. So I thought it might be interesting to do a post about my thoughts. Just remember that we’re all different and these are my thoughts. I will highlight things that I think are important to consider when signing up for a class and then I will tell you my preferences. If you’re different, listen to the former and ignore the latter and make your own answers instead.
These are not in order cause I am a bit too tired to do that so please know they are not in any order of importance.
Types of Classes
I’ve learned, over time, that, like in real life, there are two types of classes online: lecture-based and discussion-based. The way I differentiate the two is the amount of teacher involvement there is in the class. All classes in this day and age have at least some way for the students to comment on and participate in the class. But in some of the classes I took, the teacher rarely comments and then only to resolve technical issues, questions, etc. And in the others, the teacher was really involved, a big part of instigating and moving the discussion.
Neither type is bad. You just need to know what you prefer and what your goals for the class are. If you are taking this class to learn a new skill, for example, you might be ok just watching the videos or reading the content and not interacting too much. Whereas in a different kind of class you might really want to have some involved discussion and expect participation from the teacher.
If you know for sure that you like classes that are one way or another, I encourage you to pay attention to this when you sign up. I feel it’s important to know this ahead of time because you can adjust your expectations accordingly.
Here’s what I realized for me: I love to teach discussion-based classes because my goal is for each student to take the material and customize it into their own life. For me to be able to achieve that I need active hand-holding and encouragement and explanations on how to customize the material. Those are the classes that I feel are most impactful for me. I really encourage people to share so I can make sure the class was useful to every single student and I firmly believe we can all learn more if we share more.
However when I am the student, it depends more on why I am taking the class. If it’s deep soul work, I don’t mind doing most of that completely on my own. I will read the discussion boards but I will rarely participate. If it’s a technique class, I will only participate if I need extra help. I know this is the opposite of what I like my students to do but I’ll be honest I have very rarely had active teachers in a class and with most classes even if the discussion is lively at first, it dissipates quickly because the teacher doesn’t encourage it. (Just in my opinion.)
Discussions
For me, I have found that often times the discussions in the classes I’ve taken haven’t helped enough to be worth the time they take away from actual work. So I’d rather be journaling or doing art than being a part of the discussion. But that’s mostly been because very very few of the classes I took have active teacher participation and while I appreciated the other students a lot, there wasn’t an instance where I felt I needed the extra help. So each time I have some downtime, I’d read the discussions so I can learn/grow but I didn’t participate that much. Discussions where the teacher really encouraged sharing and learning have been helpful and in that case I do participate.
I also tend to prefer to do the work first because I like to go through it without influence from others around me. So when I am done, I feel ok participating because I feel like I’ve already done the work. I prioritize doing the assignment over any discussion almost every single time.
Motivation
I think it’s important to know why you’re taking a class. Most of the time, I sign up for a class because the content really speaks to me. I like either journaling/soulwork classes or very specific technique classes. There have been a few times I took a class cause I admired the teacher and thought taking the class would get me closer to the teacher and give me an opportunity to interact with her. In each of those instances I was disappointed. It might be my bad luck but I have learned my lesson and I never do this anymore. I sign up for content and content only.
Pace
I find, for me, classes that are fast-paced are what I like. I like to be kept on my toes and feel the pressure of work to do. This doesn’t mean there has to be dense content each week. With soul work classes I’ve found sometimes I need more time to digest or more chewable portions than the teacher gives. But for me time and again the issue is bigger if I feel the class is moving too slowly or is not meaty enough. So I try to pay attention to that when I sign up. If the class is slow, I am likely to lose interest and not complete the work.
Follow up Work
I also lose interest if there’s no clear homework and examples. I want to know the assignment and I want to know what the teacher did or thought on that assignment. So, immediately after listening/reading/watching I can do my homework. This is what motivates me so I need it and I need it to be clear. And it needs to be reasonable sized.
Timing
I don’t do well with “download and do at your pace” classes. Mostly because I feel like I can put them off forever since there’s no specific time they’re due. So I can postpone and deprioritize those over “going on right now” classes. And I often tend to do just that. I downloaded two classes in June and still haven’t finished them. That’s pretty much unheard of for me.
So pay attention to that. Do you like homework? Do you respond better to “do on your own pace” or to scheduled dates and times?
Integrating
I tend to only take classes that integrate into the life and work I am doing now. So I will use my journaling time to do the soul work class assignments. For example I am taking a class on shame-resilience right now and it involves a lot of thinking and journaling. I do mine during the morning journaling time. One or two days a week my journaling is the assignment from that week and the rest of the time it’s the free form journaling I do regularly. When I took Stephanie’s class back in January, every single day’s journaling was content from her class. I integrate the homework into my daily life.
Same goes for art journaling. When I took Christy’s classes, I used up my art journaling time to do her homework. I changed it to adapt to my own life. I even did one of my Pink Paislee blog assignments as her homework. I try to work it into my schedule as it stands.
For example at the moment I am taking three classes and here’s how I integrate them into my existing schedule: 1. Ordinary Courage: I read the classes while I exercise. I listen to the audio while I sketch. I do the homework during my journaling time.
2. Watercolor Pencils Miniclass Classes come to me once a week, I read them when I have downtime at night, I watch the videos as I exercise and I do the exercises as part of my daily sketching.
3. One Little Word This class has been a bit odd. In the beginning, I did the assignments as part of my art journaling. But then I mostly just watched the videos as I exercise and I thought about my word a lot and journaled and created some projects because of it but I haven’t actually done the album. I never really intended to do it so I am ok with that. For me this class was to keep my word at the forefront of my mind and its achieved its goal so I am happy with it.
Last month was two classes, one got integrated into my journaling time and the other to art journaling time. Next month is two classes, one will be art journaling and the other will be sketching or art journaling.
I do also take classes for a specific reason sometimes. For example I downloaded Remains of the Day a few months ago because I decided I was going to use the technique for my December Daily album. I wanted to buy that class for over a year but I didn’t want to do so unless I knew exactly what I was going to do with it so once I had the idea to use it for December Daily, I had no problem buying it because I knew I could put it into use.
I hope this makes sense. There isn’t one class in the twenty-one classes I have on my list this year that doesn’t integrate into either sketching, journaling or art journaling. So I think that’s why I am able to keep up with my classes. If my goal was to do a layout a day for example, I could take a sketch class that would give me daily sketches and I could easily integrate that into my daily layout time.
I think about my daily schedule and personal goals when I sign up for a class now. Is there a way I will immediately be able to put this class into use? If so, I look at the other points about pacing, homework, teacher participation and then if I am still happy, I sign up. If not, I pass. I still get disappointed sometimes but it’s getting rarer and rarer.
If you have any more questions please don’t hesitate to ask, as long as you remember it’s just my opinion, I am always happy to share it.
I picked up Flipped because several people said it was great and looked cute.
This novel was for younger adults than even I usually read for so it felt a bit elementary but I really liked how the voices of the two characters were so distinct and so different and it was a wonderful example of how the same events can mean different things to different people. There were some wonderful little bits about middle school, too.
All in all, I enjoyed this story and am glad I read it.
But it, too, won’t make the top of my list for 2011.
One of my favorite poems as a teenager was Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost. I can almost recite it from memory. Here’s how it goes:
Nothing Gold Can Stay (by Robert Frost)
Nature’s first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
When I was younger, I always thought this was a terribly sad poem. Everything dies, life sucks. That’s pretty much how I interpreted it.
As I grow older, I am looking at it differently.
Yesterday was a frustrating day for me. I got upset about some small detail that went wrong in my day and as it tends to do, it threw off my mood for the day. Then, at night, I visited a friend who was sad. His reason was a lot more legitimate than mine (trust me.) I came home feeling sad for him and mad at me. This morning I woke up and while I was journaling I kept thinking about life and this poem.
The thing about life is that everything is ephemeral. Life changes. Constantly. With and without warning. Sometimes you’re the one instigating the change. Sometimes someone else is. Sometimes it’s a completely outside force. Sometimes it’s even bigger than that. And then there are things that change regularly. Days end. Months, years. Kids grow up. People get old. Seasons end. Change is around us constantly. Things that seem set in stone, never are.
I think that’s the reason some big, unexpected change throws us off course so much, it’s a reminder that the ground you’re on is not as solid as you might think it is. The life you built isn’t indestructible.
And while this feels scary on some scale, to me it’s also a relief. If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that things will change. And I know that I can’t even begin to predict the extent and size of these changes.
The other thing I know is that life is pretty great now. I am very blessed in big ways. I have a wonderful husband and kids who are nothing short of miracles. I have a job I am proud of and a home I love. All of us are healthy. Including me, and I am getting healthier each day.
Of course, there are a million little things that go wrong all the time and things I want, wish for, desire, etc. But most of life is amazing. Right at this moment. And it might all change tomorrow. Let me correct that, it will all change tomorrow. It might be better or worse or just different.
But this poem is a reminder that things will change. Things will end. And at the same time, right now things are gold. There are wonderful things happening in my life. As life is so ephemeral and fragile, I need to pay more attention to those things. I need to be in this moment more. I need to be really aware and present. This very moment is here right now and it’s great.
If you noticed in my vision board from yesterday, I have a quote there that says “If you’re always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in?” And this is something I need to work on again and again.
Being present and being grateful.
The thing is nothing gold does stay. But if we take it for granted and don’t appreciate the gold while it’s here, we’re missing out on the best moments of our life. And when the going gets tough, which it invariably will at some time, we will need these gold moments to get us through those not-so-great ones.
As I journaled about my bad day, I realized how much can change in just 24 hours. How my perspective changed and the specific problem that frustrated me actually went away. I wasted an entire golden day on some stupid frustration. The talk with my friend was a wake-up call that things are ephemeral and these golden days are not guaranteed so I cannot waste them with idle frustration. My goal is to remember this more. And make a point of basking in the glory of the golden moments while they are here.
Here’s to being more present and being more grateful.
