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Never Too Late

This particular thought has been on my mind often lately. Especially as I count down to my fortieth birthday, I’ve been thinking about the concept of “too late” and about how I had expected my life to turn out and who I had thought I might grow up to be, etc.

I was one of those unusual people who knew what she wanted from a very young age. Before I was in middle school, I already knew I wanted to work with computers (and some form of art ideally) and I knew that I wanted to study in the United States.

As I step back to look at my life now, I joyfully acknowledge that I have had many of my dreams come true. I have now been living in the US for twenty years, I own a home that I love, have a truly wonderful husband who loves me probably as much as any human can, I have two young kids who are gifts that I am grateful for each day. I have a job at a wonderful company who treats its people as well as can be expected from a company. And I get to work with computers and help build a product I care deeply about. I get to coach people who inspire me. I also get to do a lot of art in my spare time and have the honor of designing for a few manufacturers whose products I love.

I am not sure I could have designed a better life if I tried.

And yet.

Of course, it’s far from perfect.

I still think about “what i might have been.” I wonder what that even means. I think about the kind of person I turned out to be. The way I treat the people I love. The peace I seem to yearn for but never allow inside. The changes I would like in my day-to-day life. The amount of stress I am carrying at any moment in time. How much I’d like to do with my kids. How much more I might want to do for myself.

There are parts of me that I wish were fundamentally different.

But then I think, wouldn’t that change everything? If I had been a different person, wouldn’t my life also have turned out differently? Would I be willing to give up all that I have to be this other person? My husband, my kids, my life?

Likely not.

I have always chosen to take the known over unknown. Partly because when I sit down to think about things seriously, I realize that there’s more good about me and my life than the bad. Most of which I wouldn’t be willing to give up in exchange for other possibilities.


This doesn’t mean I couldn’t change and shift things now. In this day and age, forty is not old at all. If I am lucky, I might get to live another fifty years. That’s more years than I’ve been alive so far. It means that instead of being near the end of the road, I am not even halfway yet. So this is no time to give up.

It is definitely not too late to be who I might have been. Every day is a new opportunity to recalibrate. I get to choose who I am each moment. Who I am and who I want to be.

It is not too late to be who I want to be.

I had a lot of dreams at the age of nine and I followed through on almost all. Now that I am almost forty, it’s a good time to sit and make some new ones.

How about you, do you think it’s too late to be what you might have been?

Remember This - Week 13

We’re back to Life Book this week. This is week six which is taught by Tam. The Lesson was on playing with spray inks. Spray inks are not and have never been my friend. I just don’t like how they are never easy to use. I have sprayed my face, hands, and all the items on my table in an effort to use them before I just gave up.

When I saw that this week was sprays, I almost walked away, but I decided it was a sign and that I had to at least give it a try.

so I did.

Even though the paper wasn’t perfect for it, I did the spray part on the right page first and then I drew the profile on the left and painted it with oils. The oils are still a challenge for me to use and I am trying to learn. They also take forever to dry.

Once it was done, I did some pen-work like Tam did and wrote my little reminder message, which says: We accept the love we think we deserve.

That’s from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. A book I love.

Remember This is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.

Today I Know – Week 12

This week’s inspiration comes from the Craft-A-Doodle book. Specifically from the artist Pamela Keravuori whose projects were my absolute favorite.

I drew this page and then colored it using Faber Castell qrt pencils and aquarelles. Then I used some other water color pencils and I used some pastels. Some neocolor ii’s as well. Then Stabilo All to trace it all once more. I colored the background with the gelatos.

prompt says: today i know that i feel best after I have

I wrote about how i feel best after I’ve taken some time for myself.

Today I Know is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.

One Little Word - 2013 - Final Page

I realized this week that I never shared my last OLW page from 2013 with you. Last year, I didn’t do any of the OLW assignments past June. The individual assignments didn’t inspire me and I felt kind of blah the second half of the year so it just never came together.

After I beat myself up for a while, a long while, I decided to do one mixed media page that would allow me to reflect on my word and all its gifts to me throughout 2013 and then let myself move on. I had some fun and wrote some journaling and ended up with this.

With that, I was able to release 2013.

Remember This - Week 12

This week’s page is also from The Walk. Week two. One of the assignments this week was to collage a self portrait and then write/collage a list of things about yourself. What you’re good at. What’s your essence, etc. I decided to draw mine and made this girl.

My girl is holding a box. Last year, when I was in a Coaching course, we did a visualization exercise where we were to find out our Captains and what came to me was this little girl and she gave me a box. When I opened it, it was filled with light. Over that course and the next few months, I’ve come to believe that it represented the light we each have within ourselves and she was giving me mine and telling me to open it so it can shine through me. And also that this is what I want to do with others. Help them let their light shine through.

So once I drew my girl, I made some lines in the background and journaled all over it.

Remember This is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.

Today I Know - Week 11

This week was all about wings. I randomly googled wings and picked the first one I liked. I then drew and painted the inside with white paint. And then I used my peerless watercolors and some watercolor pencils to add some color inside the wings. And then I used the Stabilo All to outline each feather. And there we are.

prompt says: today i know that i am still afraid of

I wrote about how i am still afraid of not knowing what the future will hold.

Today I Know is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.

Today I Know - Week 10

This week was one of those where I just didn’t feel inspired by anything and after spinning and spinning, I settled on an oldie but goodie by Abigail Halpin who is just amazing. I drew my little girl, colored it with some crayons and pencils and called it done.

Some weeks are just like that.

prompt says: today i know that i want to change my mind about

I wrote about how i want to change how i see myself.

Today I Know is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.

Remember This - Week 10

And this one is from Life Book week Five. The assignment this week was to do draw a cotton candy girl and some sweets. I decided that what I wanted to draw was a piece of Dr. Seuss cake and a reminder that the goal when eating is not to feel full but to feel nourished.

This page has a lot of texture. I used heavy body paints and lay them down thickly. Even though the colors make me smile, I am not a huge fan of the page overall. It just doesn’t feel like me, not sure why. But alas, this is more about experimenting and having fun and I did both this week.

Remember This is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.

Today I Know - Week 9

This page is inspired by these lovely owls. This page uses some gelatos, some watercolor pencils, and some neocolor watersoluble crayons.

prompt says: today i know it feels good when i…

i just wrote down all the things that make me feel good like nathatniel’s baby smell and holding david’s hand, etc.

Today I Know is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.

Remember This – Week 9

This week’s page is for My Mind’s Eye. I couldn’t connect with the work for Life Book this week so I decided to do something different. I tend to be one of those people who always worries and assumes things will go less desirably than planned and this is a reminder I need in my life regularly:

give up that there’s something wrong, life can be sweet if you let it.

This page is pretty simple, just some hearts and a title with a lot of my favorite yellow paint. It’s warm and shimmery and makes me happy.

Remember This is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.

Today I Know - Week 8

I saw this pin last year and I’ve been holding on to it for a long time. This week, I decided I had to try it. So here’s my result.

I used the Neocolor II water soluble crayons to color this page.

prompt says: today I know that i love to talk with

i just wrote about all the people I love to talk to in my life and how wonderful it feels.

Today I Know is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.

Remember This - Week 8

And this one is from Life Book week four. The assignment this week was to use three things you loved. I decided to use a lot of tissue paper and create texture. I then made a tree and a little bird. I know it’s not super sophisticated, but it’s really textured and was a lot of fun to make.

I have been frustrated with not knowing the answers to some of the questions in my life and so I decided this week’s art would be about how it’s ok to not know and how if I listen it will all eventually show up and how things are unfolding just as they should be. So that’s what my little bird is doing. She’s sitting and being okay with not knowing.

Here’s a side look hoping it shows the texture.

Remember This is a project for 2014. You can read more about it here.