Today was a good day.

I know I’ve mentioned it before but I’ve been having a rough time lately. And when I’m in a place like this, I tend to only see the dark and pay attention to the bad. And then these good days get lost completely. They get enveloped inside the black and it’s as if they were never here. As an effort to pause more and pay attention to the good in my life, I wanted to remember this day.

The amazing thing is that no one thing made today a good day. So this read will be boring for most of you and please feel free to skip it.

I woke up at 5:30 with Nathaniel making noises in his crib. I had gone to bed at 9pm the night before so 5:30 was actually not too early, so I got up, got him, and came downstairs. I checked in on work and Nathaniel sat with me for just a few minutes and then David was awake, too. I took both boys in the garage and started my exercise. David read and Nathaniel played with the toys in the garage while I watched movies from Christy’s Your Living Canvas class. I ran my 3 miles and then showered and we all got dressed. (While I was exercising, Jake woke up, showered, and left for work.)

Then we sat down to have breakfast (oatmeal+fruit) and while the kids ate, I read from our current book, Savvy. (We’ve been reading this one for a while.) After breakfast, the kids brushed their teeth and we walked Nathaniel over to his school.

After we dropped Nathaniel off, David and I stopped by the corner store and got a hot chocolate for him and a latte for me and we got a sugary muffin and walked back home. I cut the muffin in half for us to share and started my morning sketch. After I was done sketching, I sat on the couch and started working. David sat next to me and read Harry Potter on the old Sony ereader I have. We both quietly worked for about two hours.

I got one of the bigger items on my work todo list done and one of the major ongoing issues I’ve been tracking had a good day today. So those were some good news for work. I also spent most of the day quietly working and getting things done. At noon, David and I walked back to Nathaniel’s school to pick him up. We ate lunch and then Nathaniel went down for his nap. David worked on his science book, wrote a little and then continued to read Harry Potter. I worked more. When it was time to wake Nathaniel up, David was still engrossed in his book and hadn’t realized quiet time was over.

We all went back down and the kids had a snack while I worked more. Then David got to have his computer time while Nathaniel played or watched him. Then it was time for veggies and dinner. This is the only time in the day that was a bit rough for me. Work’s always a bit extra chaotic during this time of day and the kids don’t just sit and eat. There’s a lot of “Come on, keep eating.” so I tend to get frustrated. Usually Jake’s home to give the kids dinner, but he’s at a conference today.

After the crazy of dinner was over and teeth were brushed again and the gratitude journal was written, we all tidied up the house a bit as the cleaning lady is coming tomorrow and it’s not possible for her to clean if there are toys everywhere. Then we reviewed David’s science work from quiet time. And now the kids are watching 20 minutes of TV (well David’s watching and Nathaniel’s playing) while I take a break and write this. (I also took a 15-minute break earlier today to do my 31 Things writing.)

Assuming Jake’s not back in the next five minutes, I will bathe the kids and then it will be bed time. David gets to finish up one section he missed in his science work and then he can read more Harry Potter (which he’s dying to do) for about an hour before he has to sleep. I was supposed to go to book club tonight but if Jake’s not back in time, I will stay home and do an art journal page instead. If I finish that early, I have photos to process for my Weekly Update and Savor Project. I’ll probably sneak a few looks at work just to make sure all is ok. And then it will be time for bed+book for me, too.

A perfectly ordinary day.

But here’s the thing:

1. I didn’t yell today. Almost at all. I was calm and relaxed for almost every minute of it.
2. There was no emergency at work. No stressful conversations. No unresolvable worries.
3. I loved sitting with my kids and working while they played.
4. I ran three miles.
5. I took two walks outside in the sun (to drop off and pick up Nathaniel.)
6. I worked quietly but diligently and consistently.
7. I did my exercise, sketch, and 31 Things. I also am posting my blog post. I even ate relatively well today.
8. No one cried or whined or fought almost all day.
9. I felt peaceful and not stressed out.

All of these together made for a simple, ordinary, but wonderful day. I have a lot I didn’t do and I’d still like to get organized for the summer. But for this one ordinary day, I feel content, calm, peaceful.

I wish I had a camera that could capture this feeling. But since there isn’t, I am writing it down so I remember.

So I pause.

So I know these days are here too, in the middle of the black. They exist and they sustain me. The dark ones will come again but so will the light ones and I need to let those shine brighter.

So I can remember.

I am finally back from Turkey and trying get back into the groove of things. I have to admit that while I worried endlessly about the flight, the trip, the time difference, the jet lag, etc. none of them were an issue. We did get jetlag in Istanbul but since we were on vacation, it was easy to work around it. The kids got along wonderfully and it was absolutely magical to see the whole family together, laughing, hugging, and truly enjoying each other’s company. Thank you, Yonuka, for creating the best excuse to have us finally be together. I am hoping this is the beginning of many future trips home.

I had intended to write these posts while I was away, but as it worked out, I barely had time to check my mail. I did only two sketches while I was there and no art journal pages. The only thing I kept up with was my 31 Things prompts. Early on, I gave myself permission to let my schedule go and enjoy being there. I did exercise every single day but it was my only requirement.

Even though we’ve been back for over five days, I still feel all over the place. I spent most of the weekend doing personal catch up things like sketching, doing two weeks worth of the savor project, a collage page, homework for 31 Things, journaling for Your Living Canvas, my pages for both OLW and MMEW and processing hundreds of photos. I have a lot of thoughts, feelings and worries and hopes and wishes and goals in my head lately and I feel like I need to journal but I can’t seem to get myself motivated enough to do it.

One of these is figuring out more specific plans for the summer. I know Ali’s done a manifesto but what I really want to do is two-fold. The first is to come up with a schedule for me and the kids. Now that school’s closed and kids are around, I need to come up with a way to occupy them and make them stimulated without getting in the way of work. And I need to shift my schedule around so I can still do the things I want to do and still be present with my kids and accomplish things at work. Balancing it all looks different in the summer than the fall.

The second one is more about taking a breath and looking back at the year so far. Summer happens to come right in the middle of the calendar year. I’ve now been doing my projects for six months. This has been a rough year for me in some ways and I’d like to be able to sit back and assess what’s working and what’s not. How and if I’d like to change anything. This requires a lot of time and thinking. And I really feel a pull to do it. I am hoping this week is the week when I finally sit and give it the time it deserves.

In the meantime, I’ve decided on an overall tone for the summer. My personal goal this summer is to make this the summer of calm. Today’s prompt for the 31 Things class was “covet” so the goal was to write about things you covet. I don’t shop much and I am blessed to have everything I need. The one thing I covet above all else is peace. It’s tranquility. Not as much a quiet house (though that makes me happy, too) but really a quiet soul, heart and mind. I want to feel the quiet contentment and gratitude that I remember feeling last year. I want to calm my mind. I want to change my tone and attitude so I am kinder to everyone around me. So I am open to the world and receive things in a positive manner. I want to be quiet. Positive. Optimistic. Assume the best. I want to be calm with my kids. I want to react quietly to them and at work. I want to pause, take a breath and just act and not react.

This will be hard for me.

But it will also be rewarding. It will be good for my soul. More than that, I think, at this point, it’s crucial that I do this. I need it. And I am determined to make it happen.

So it shall be.

Here’s to the summer of calm.

ps: to those of you who receive these by email, do you prefer to get the whole content (like you do now) or a short preview which will mean you have to click to read the whole post but it will probably make your mail smaller. Let me know what you prefer. I always prefer whole content which is why I had it set this way but I figured i should ask just in case you feel differently.