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Here are the sketches from last week: Sunday:
Monday:
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
During Saturday’s sketching I taped myself. The contrast ended up being terrible for some reason and the sketch is one of my least favorite. But if you want to see me sketch, here you go: I’ll try to do another one with better resolution and contrast at some point. Daily Sketching is a weekly project for 2012. You can see a detailed post on my steps here.
A few weeks ago a friend was telling me how she doesn’t dance and sing with her kids because her parents never did that with her and it’s just not the way she is. But the way she said it gave me pause. It didn’t sound like she didn’t want to do it. It sounded like she secretly wanted to do it but justified it to herself by saying how she didn’t have it as a kid and so it was ok not to give it to her kids. (Or, you know, maybe I’m putting words in her mouth, but it doesn’t matter because this post isn’t about her. I mention it cause this conversation and the vibe I got triggered this post.) And then this past weekend I was journaling the hundreds of questions last week’s Body Restoration class came with and one of them was “What do I wish I had never done?” And I thought about all the possible answers I could give. But then I realized that I couldn’t write anything down. The thing is, I only know this version of my life. And everything that happened before this is the sequence of events that took me here. How can I be sure that changing anything wouldn’t lead me somewhere else? The thing is, I love my life right now. I am deeply grateful for it. And regretting something in the past or wishing it had never occurred opens up the possibility of other paths. Other ways my life could have unfolded. And maybe I wouldn’t end up where I am now. There’s nothing that would make me wish that. Everything I did, good and bad, is what led me here. I regret nothing. So when I thought of my friend’s situation and my thoughts on regret, and I decided that what I want is to never live a life unfulfilled. I don’t want to make excuses to not do the things I want to do. I want to live the best life I can. Not get hung up on regrets, past worries, other people’s mean words or expectations. Many years ago, I took a big life-changing class and I took a trip back home Turkey soon after. I remember sitting at dinner with my family and telling them about my class. My grandmother said that she wished she’d taken it. She had so many regrets about the way she’d lived her life. I was quite surprised cause my grandmother had never, ever mentioned such thoughts before. But it also made me think a lot. I want to be able to look back and feel like I lived my life to the fullest extent possible. Explored all my options. Lived true to my own dreams, goals, joys, and ideals. That I pleased myself and the ones I love over the people who don’t matter. Just to top off all these thoughts, today, my grafting happiness class started and today’s post had the following quote: “The fear that something is wrong with you is your greatest block to joy. In truth, there is no other block.” I don’t want to feel like there’s anything wrong with me. I don’t want to worry about what I am not doing, or who’s not approving of me, or who talks behind my back. If I want to sing and dance with my kids, I don’t want to worry that my mom didn’t do it with me so I shouldn’t do it. Or that I don’t know how. Or that it looks silly. I don’t want to wish away any of my past. It is the foundation upon which I rest: good or bad. It’s also gone. It’s completely over with. I don’t want to worry about regrets. I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to worry about people and things that don’t truly matter. And, most importantly, I don’t want to live a life unfulfilled. I want to fill my cup of joy all the way up. And drink it all and then fill it up again. I want to live my day as if I am completely free to be and do anything I choose. There’s no rope tying me to the past and holding me down. There’s no shoulds, musts. Just a list of things that fulfill me and the people I love. So that, at any moment in time, and know that I am making the very best of what I have. Drinking every last drop of joy. This is a layout I made for Maya Road for winter CHA.
And the journaling says: details:
< Here are two more spreads from our book:
Another butterfly from Spanish class. Aren’t these magnificent? And the next spread:
More drawings and fun with his friend Ari. He and David were “selling” things at school from what I understand (not for money) but then they were told to stop. (or so David tells me weeks later.) but he still loves that they made this chart. There we go. That’s all for this week. More coming soon. David’s Book of Good Memories is a bi-weekly project for 2012 with my seven-year-old son David. You can read more about it here.
Wow, lots and lots of photos this week. Partly cause it was David’s birthday and partly cause there are just too many cute ones. This was a big week for almost all of us. I did a lot at work and got the Beta channel out early. Early in the week, I was on Paperclipping Roundtable. I also went to David’s school on Wednesday (with Jake) for his birthday. And I went back on Friday to volunteer with math time. I also saw the trainer on Friday and am doing my exercises every week day. They’re tough but I am hanging in there. David’s had a wonderful week. He got a ton of legos for his birthday and got to celebrate both here and at school. He also got to see Star Wars #1 in 3d at the theatre with his dad on Friday. He got to play Wii today and got his final lego set (actually there’s more coming from his grandmother in the mail) and tomorrow he gets to go to Alcatraz. A full week for the big boy. Jake had an excellent week at work and he was around a lot, playing with both of the kids. Excellent on both grounds. And Nathaniel was super-excited about David’s birthday. He ate some cake and asked for more all week. He asked about his birthday a lot too (which is not until April). He’s doing great and still having a great time playing. I am so so grateful for this super-productive and super-wonderful week. Anyhow, here are some highlights from last week: Nathaniel working on his book.
The kids playing outside with the neighbor’s toys.
they both had a lot of fun.
And wrestling inside.
and sitting together. I love this photo.
cute little boy.
and cute big boy.
my boys hugging!!
watching Star Wars.
Nathaniel loves to make me “shoot” him and then fake dying.
he’s such a little poser.
he also loves to draw.
and often admires his work.
he’s really been playing a lot with legos lately. Building awesome creations.
David’s birthday morning.
he blew those candles with gusto.
had to blow a few times.
but got them all in the end.
and there’s the cupcake, almost ready to be consumed.
David built one of his legos immediately.
He’s showing me the little compartment on the bottom.
then during snack time at school, we went over so we could all celebrate with his class. They sang him happy birthday.
and he blew one more candle.
nathaniel showing me his lego choo-choo.
and making creations.
during photo-time, he decided to shoot everyone.
and no matter what I did, he wouldn’t look at the camera.
look how David’s trying not to laugh during tickle time.
but it doesn’t last long.
and Nathaniel tries to shoot Daddy once more.
while Daddy and David are at the movies, Nathaniel is practicing “running” and asks me to take a picture.
he loves it so much.
and then he looks out the window and shows me the birds.
my super-duper cutie-pie boy.
and here we go. Another wonderful week gone. So grateful for my family. Here’s to a great week next week! Weekly Diary is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here. Page six and I am still not anywhere near collage:
I had so many ideas for this page but it just wasn’t meant to be. The background is an actual map. Then I punched butterflies from the same map and glued them down. Then I tried to drip paint but it didn’t work the way I wanted to I just painted over the thing. But I’d already inked around the butterflies which is why the black ink spread a bit. I still like the way it turned out to be honest. Though not sure it qualifies as collage… more next week. maybe then I can get more collage-y. Journey into Collage is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here.
I’ve had a lot of managers in my life. Let me rephrase that: I’ve had a lot of bad managers in my life. But I’ve also been lucky enough to have a few good ones. And here’s one of the biggest differences between the two: the good ones believe in you and give you opportunities that they know you can rise to. They push you and encourage you at the same time. And you know what? It works like a charm. When I worked with a good manager, I rose to the occasion each time. I conquered problems I never thought I could. I blasted through what I believed were my limits. They showed me that I can be more. That I already am more and I just needed to see it. There’s so much magic in having someone believe in you. Over the last few years, I’ve been trying to do this for myself. I can see a huge difference in my abilities when I change my mental state. This is not just about being positive (though that’s a big part of it, too.) This is about thinking you can. Thinking that you have what it takes to conquer your next challenge. You have what it takes to achieve that goal. What it takes to operate on the level you want to be. The trick is that once you think you can, you can. I know it sounds simple and I also know that it isn’t simple. I go through bouts of insecurity in my life. Over work, over my art, over my ability to be a good wife or mother. Over everything that actually matters to me. And I’ve noticed that when I am in that state, I end up being sub-par. I actually make more mistakes. So then my view of how I am actually comes true. Which is a vicious cycle, of course. I think I am mediocre, so I perform mediocre and then end up actually being mediocre. See how that works? But then there are times when I feel good. I feel like I can. I am excited and powerful and confident. Which also makes me kind, helpful, and uplifting. And, man, nothing can get in my way during those times. I am a powerhouse. I know things. I learn things. I am always surprised by how much and how well I can get things done when I am in that place. I am a star. And you know what? They are both me. The mediocre girl and the star. They are both me. I have the capacity to be either. And while it’s nice to have managers who can activate the go-getter in me, there’s no reason I should wait for that. There’s no reason I can’t do it for myself. I know for a fact that thinking you can means you can. It gives you the energy, optimism, and drive to get things done. So you rise to the challenges. You work harder. You work more intelligently. And you reach the goal. Whether it be programming or drawing or learning to write more beautifully. The trick is to think you can. And magic takes over from there. Here are more pages I did during November:
The full text reads: The fastest way to get inspired is to start creating. And here’s the next page: Starting from here, I began to use my own handwriting so I could practice it daily.
The full text reads: Be patient with yourself. It takes time and practice. And here’s the next page:
The full text reads: Take time to laugh and give a hug everyday. And here’s the next page:
The full text reads: You decide who gets a piece of your heart. Choose wisely and carefully. And here’s the next page:
The full text reads: One key to happiness is to practice gratitude. Well here we go. More coming next week. I am creating multiple art journaling pages a week for now. You can read more about this project here. This set uses the Fabriano Roma papers.
In honor of my older son turning seven today, I decided I wanted to write a bit about Time. I’m very conscious of the passage of time. Not in that, wow-i-am-getting-old-wish-i-was-young way. I’ve never (so far) worried about getting old. I actually like getting older. I feel like my body/age is finally catching up with what my soul always felt. But, that aside, I am very aware that time is a very limited resource and if we don’t use it wisely, we lose it. The fact is we lose it no matter what. Time passes. When just yesterday he was born, now my son is seven years old. I can’t stop him from growing. I can’t stop time from passing. The only thing I can do is make the most of it while it’s here. The thing with life is that day-to-day moments can be overwhelming. Filled with lots of small activities. Like cleaning, commuting, taking kids to activities, packing lunches, getting homework done, etc. Most of these can be annoying and time-consuming and are repetitive. So they wear us down. They make us notice the big things less. Things like your little boy becoming seven. One of my big goals for this year is to pay attention more. To pay attention to things in between all the daily churn. To slow down and notice the beauty and amazingness of our ordinary days. To stop and be grateful. Deeply grateful. For my very ordinary life. I think the best way to use time wisely is to pay attention. To notice what truly makes your heart happy. To notice what makes the people in your life happy. And to do more of those. Even if a little more. To infuse your days with a few more things that make you joyful. Just a few minutes makes a big difference. Making better use of your time, like all things, is about the little steps. You cannot change your life overnight. And those chores are pieces of life and will not go away. This doesn’t mean you can’t make changes. I’ve been making a huge effort to stop and pay attention. To smile at the little things my kids do when they don’t know I am watching. To give an extra hug to my husband. Send a sweet email to a friend. (In fact, my friend Jess sent me a book in the mail today. She said she loved it and wanted me to read it, too. Something relatively not time-consuming on her part, but completely made my day.) Paying attention allows you to make changes. Paying attention changes the way you look at what’s there. It’s sort of a magical way to slow time down. With my photos, I capture my little magical moments in the day. When I process them later that day, I get to relive those moments. When I print them out later in the week, I relive them once more. And when I scrap them for my Savor Project, I get to relive them once again. That allows me to extend the one small/magical moment by reliving it four times. That’s pretty awesome magic if you ask me! I am learning more and more that everything starts with paying attention. If you know what’s really happening, then you get the opportunity to make change. Without that, you’re operating blind. Taking everything granted. And not exercising the choices you have in life. So this is a reminder for me to honor my word, pay attention, and try to savor the moments of my day. And happy birthday my sweet son, David. I love you more than life itself. I am so grateful for you. And here’s the spread for week four. Tried to keep it simple this week:
so here’s the left side:
two stories on this page. The first is nathaniel sharing his drawing with me and asking me to take a picture of it. The second one is how the kids are sitting head to head and looking at the catalog together. I love it so much. And here’s the right side:
Three stories here. The first is of David reading to his teddy bear. Then Nathaniel playing peek-a-boo with my parents over Skype. And then the last story is CHA. I worked in the Maya Road booth so I put my badge, my booth sticker and the little make-and-take we made all into the flap with some of my thoughts from the weekend. As usual, the bottom has my art and our weekly family photo along the bottom. So there we go. That’s week four. So far, so good. Loving getting to savor these memories again and again. Happy Savoring. The Savor Project was supposed to be a weekly project for 2012. You can read about my setup here.
I picked up Shiver because I saw someone comment on it on Pinterest. She said the series was fantastic and I just felt like reading another love story after Beautiful Disaster even if it was young adult and paranormal. And I wasn’t disappointed. I loved Maggie Stiefvater’s writing style and I read this book in a single day. I didn’t want the story to end and I felt connected to both of the main characters in different ways. I even liked the tertiary characters. Yes, as with most novels, I had issues with some bits and pieces but overall I swallowed the book up and felt contended at the end. So much so that I decided to move on to the next in the series right away. Which is pretty much unheard of, for me. But maybe it was because I went through it so quickly and I just didn’t want it to end. So now I’m reading the second one and let’s hope it’s as good.
After reading the comments on yesterday’s post, two things came up for me. One was about being an advocate for yourself which I will save for another post. But the second one was about giving others the chance to do things for you. There were a few comments about not asking because you didn’t think you deserved it or being worried to bother others. (I don’t want to put words in your mouth so just know that this is me rephrasing and not any particular person’s comment.) This made me think of how frustrating it is to have a friend/spouse/family member who won’t ask. Because here’s the thing: I really love being able to do things for people. Given the chance, I’d much rather do something I know they will love instead of doing something I might think they will like. When someone cares about you, they love to see you happy. I think we all have this. It’s the joy that comes from giving presents to people and seeing their face light up. If I knew for a fact that I could do something that would make my husband, my son, my friend smile each time, I would make a huge effort to try to do that often. There’s so much joy in being able to do something for someone you love. And when you don’t ask, I think you’re denying that person the pleasure of being able to make you happy. This is one of the best things about little kids. They are quite vocal about what they like and they squeal with joy when they get it. And seeing them happy makes us happy too. It’s a huge boost. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What if you lived with someone and they wanted something but never asked you. Wouldn’t it be frustrating to know that there’s potentially something you can do to make them happier but you will never know because they are not asking? In my personal relationships I find this terribly frustrating. As long as it’s asking and taking what you get (and not throwing a fit if you don’t get it) I feel like asking is giving the other person the opportunity to do something that will bring joy into your life. And if this person cares about you, they will try their best to do it. Won’t they? And if they don’t care about you….well maybe it’s time to reconsider that relationship. But, again, if you don’t ask, you won’t know. And if you don’t ask, you can’t expect them to read your mind. It’s not fair. By not asking, not only are you unhappy but you’re also denying them the chance to do something for you. If I found out that someone close to me was doing that, I’d be so sad. I’d feel terrible that they are not giving me the benefit of the doubt. They’re assuming I wouldn’t care. But I do. And I bet the people in your life do, too. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know. And, even worse, you’ll be denying them the chance to get to do something for you. To give you. To show you their love. And that’s a shame. |
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