20 years ago, today, my husband and I were living in NYC. We were still just dating then. I was working on Wall Street but only three days a week, Wednesday through Friday. On Mondays, I volunteered at a nonprofit by working at their bookstore or thrift store and on Tuesdays I’d volunteer at the New York Society for the Deaf. My husband had just left his job at a different Wall Street firm and was thinking about what he wanted to do next.
So, on this Monday morning, we were both at home, with the TV turned to Good Morning America, as we both worked on our computers. Back then, I had the TV on all the time for background noise.
We saw the first plane hit the first tower and listened to the hosts trying to figure out if it was a mistake. Both of us were incredibly lucky and managed to connect with our parents to let them know we were home and safe. Minutes later, the second plane hit and all the lines went dead.
The hours that followed were ones I will never forget. The smoke I could see from my window, the friend who had run out of the building just before it collapsed and had to take shelter in our home because he couldn’t return to Brooklyn, the people my husband had worked with who were in the buildings and never even had a chance, the restaurant we’d had our most recent holiday party at, now gone.
The days that followed felt surreal, so many threats and nonstop CNN to wrap our heads around the devastation. I still remember those days so acutely.
Twenty years have passed in the blink of an eye. I mourn the losses from that terrible day and all the losses accrued as a result in the last twenty years. I know that being alive here and now was a lot of luck on both of our parts and I am so grateful for it.
I’ve been making a concerted effort lately to remember the bigger picture and the wider story.
Every moment of every day is just a sliver in the story of my life and a speck of dust in the universe. It helps me to remember this because it reminds me that this is not the whole story. And that this moment isn’t that big a deal in the greater scheme.
That helps me breathe in and enjoy this moment when it’s good, and breathe in and remember that it will pass when it’s not that good.
I have a lot of pain today. I woke up at 3am with pain and it just didn’t go away all day.
So I rested this morning instead of exercising. And I am resting now.
I expect it will go away tomorrow and if it doesn’t I will rest some more. I am learning that part of exercising a lot and pushing myself is learning when to rest and having faith that it’s ok to rest a bit and it doesn’t mean I’ve quit.
Today had promised to be challenging with 5 different back to back activities in the evening and while I was excited about many of those, I was less excited about having them all back to back in one night.
I had no idea the morning would be challenging too.
I am just glad this day is over and that it ended well.
So for today I will be grateful I made it through and call it good.
Weekly Intention: There’s a lot going on this week to celebrate my wonderful husband. it might easily become too much so my intention is to stay present, take what i need and remember that i chose this.
This month’s intention is:Yes to Possibilities: Time to root and surrender. This is a hard month for you. Transitions are rough. But you also turn 47. It’s magical to get to have another year. Remember the growth mindset. Let go of your preconceived ideas and embrace the possibilities. yes to magic.
One way I will leap this week: i am enjoying tracking the daily checkin so i will continue with that.
One boundary I will set this week: i will take time alone when i need it.
One area where I will go deeper this week: celebrating my husband.
What do I need to sit with this week? maybe some thoughts for 2022
I am looking forward to: this week’s shenanigens.
Focus onCore Desired Feelings (lighter, kinder, enough, magic, wild): still feeling centered, lighter and connected to myself.
This week’s challenges: Wednesday is a really overloaded day, making it through this week might become challenging.
Top Goals:
Work: finish my calibration and start manager perf, move forward on September deliverables, think of more conversations, remember what matters most.
Personal: more journaling and art, find another class, exercise.
Family: climb with J, celebrate J, get david to do class+ACT, find something for N, help the kids with school and J with work
This week, I want to remember: Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever.
The Best Part of this Week: The best part of this week was a chat with my friend Sandra.
I celebrate: my sweet, wonderful husband’s birthday!
I am grateful for: kind people. i’ve had a very kind fence person help me this week and it was so deeply appreciated.
This week, I exercised: I’ve still been riding, climbing, doing core, arms, restorative yoga and stretching regularly. it’s been much more inconsistent this past week but I am still showing up.
This week, I said yes to: staying in the quiet place.
I said no to: getting riled up over things that don’t matter.
I honored my values (love, learn, peace, service, gratitude): i still feel like i am in the “good place” i feel calm and centered and able to notice my emotions.
Top Goals Review:
Work: did next iteration of perf, started on September deliverables, had conversations.
Personal: did a little more journaling and art, did not find another class, did rest a lot.
Family: climbed with J, get did david to do class+ACT, no more SAT with N, i did help the kids with school and J with work
This week, I want to remember: Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever.
My mood this week was: connected.
I am proud of: staying with the calm feeling.
I release: the unease, the unknown, and what didn’t get done.
Here’s what I learned this week: i have no complaints.
Today is my sweet, wonderful husband’s birthday. How lucky are we to get to have another turn around the sun, especially during times like these.
We celebrated with small presents, some nerdy awesome home-made gifts by the kids (a kernel extension that creates ASCII cake and a game that guides you through a confetti filled room.) and a lovely, fancy brunch.
Here’s us on the way home from brunch. I am so grateful for my family. I am so grateful for this man who has spent the last 27 years with me. He sees me, he loves me, he fills my life with light.
Helen Hoang is a very talented writer. She knows how to create characters that are flawed and 3-dimensional and really lovable and real. You empathize with her characters, their struggle, and you feel their feelings alongside them. You cheer for them. This book is no exception. Outside of the beautiful romance, it also tackles caring for the elderly and how it can take its toll on you, asking for help, adult ASD diagnostic and how it can affect your life, depression and more.
This book is absolutely wonderful. It’s a quiet book about a single mom and her daughter as they struggle with poverty and homelessness while they work hard to make their way through the world. The force with which this mom loves her daughter and the genuine struggles of the choices she is faced with and trying to understand how to do what’s right by her daughter make for a meaningful read. I kept waiting for some insane twist or terrible disaster to befall them which is a sentiment to how over the top books have been lately. Sad things happen in this book but it’s not flashy, it’s not trying to mess with your emotions, it’s quiet and real and absolutely beautiful.
I love color and really enjoy books that talk about color, so when I saw this book, I knew I would love it but, as it worked out, I had no idea how much I would love it.
I don’t know this artist and had never seen any of her work. This book contains sections on color theory and then some example step by step projects, many of which I really loved. As i read it, i felt really inspired to create and found myself filled with excitement and joy.
with gratitude to quarto books and edelweiss for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
