Our first week of the year was relatively hectic. David went back to school and Jake went back to work. I hit the ground running on work, too. Nathaniel was home for one more week. The boys are growing up so fast. Nathaniel is becoming more and more vocal and insistent and difficult. He likes to put a teen after all the numbers. So it’s not four but fourteen (even if it’s 4) and then fiveteen. Even if we correct him, he insists it’s not 4 but fourteen. He also likes to whine and whine until he gets his way. The drama level has doubled or so. David’s growing up too and getting bored more quickly. But I am working with him to try and adjust his attitude. He’s still kind and generous and caring in his heart and I just hope that never goes away. Next week we all go back to routine but I have 4 appointments so it promises to be another hectic and full week.
Anyhow, here are some highlights from the first week of the year:
New Year’s Day, David made some awesome lego creations:
This one says “you are nice” and the lego men are building the letters. Isn’t it awesome?
then, around sunset, we went to a bird pond and watched the ducks, and the birds.
it was a lovely time to take some soft photos.
the boys held hands. I love it when they hold hands.
to the right of the pond was a muddy section with some black little birds and some sandpipers.
Nathaniel insisted on holding both Daddy’s and David’s hands.
It was also right by a small airport so the boys watched the planes take off and land.
the next day was the last day of our vacation so we got out the stamps:
and the markers
and just had fun
the boys loved it and I made an art journal page sitting there with them.
after david went back to school and jake, to work, Nathaniel hung out with me and colored while I worked.
when I stopped for a minute to take his photo, he smirked but wouldn’t look up.
but I kept insisting so finally he gave up.
and laughed and laughed.
he also played with stickers to entertain himself.
I snapped this rare shot of David smiling at me that day when he came home from school.
Nathaniel also grabbed the ipod and watched some movies (with no sound) to entertain himself while I worked.
On Friday we took our family shot. but no matter how hard we tried the boys wouldn’t both look at the camera at the same time.
Then Nathaniel got into this tiny box and asked Daddy to push him around.
which thrilled him to bits.
there was much joy
and jubilation
until it was David’s turn and you can see Nathaniel crying there in the background.
he wouldn’t stop weeping until he was back in the box.
despite his brother’s joy, he got up and let Nathaniel have one more turn. Then, this morning while I exercised, the boys decided to take out all their cars and trains and line them up. It was a long, long line.
when David was in swimming class, Nathaniel and I worked on his book so when David came home, he immediately wanted to share it.
and here we go. Another wonderful week gone. Here’s to a great week next week!
Weekly Diary is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here.
Well here we go. I’ve started working on this project but I still don’t know how I feel about it. Some weeks are going to end up more mixed media and less paper. Others…oh I have no idea. I am taking it one day at a time and doing whatever makes me happy. I don’t have any collage elements and I need to work on that. Anyhow, for now, I will share one page at a time and let’s see how this thing goes.
Here is the first page in my book:
The background of this one is just Tim’s tape and then the black circles on the bottom is a stamp. The other little ones are punched out of Margie’s papers with a little clock rubon from Maya Road. The big butterfly on the right is a chipboard one I covered with blue tissue tape. The rest is paint.
That’s it for this week. Not so much collage, I know….
Journey into Collage is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here.
I had a really rough morning today. Last night, I ended up working much later than I’d hoped. There were some problems and I just didn’t want to wait until today to resolve them. It meant that I went to bed almost two hours later than I usually do. As it got later and later, I told myself not to stress and that I wouldn’t let this lack of sleep and mess up in routine get to me. Tomorrow would be just fine, I said.
Then tomorrow came. And all was ok. I woke up and exercised, journaled and even sketched. I woke up the kids, made lunch, breakfast and sat to read to David. I was feeling good and proud of myself for not letting stress and tiredness get to me. I’ve been calm for the last few days and it’s been so nice.
As we got ready to walk out the door, I realized that David had left his jacket at school. This might seem harmless to normal people but he’s done this so many times before and we’ve had so many talks about it that I just lost it. I went to that bad place and started seeing dark. We went to school, me ranting pretty much the whole time. Looked for the jacket, couldn’t find it, and then I left David and got in the car with Nathaniel.
At which point, I burst into tears. I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I felt terrible about the person I was being. About how much this was upsetting me. About how it really didn’t matter and couldn’t I just get over it already? I felt shame and frustration and anger and sadness all over me. I almost turned around several times to talk to David but he was well into classes now and I didn’t want to interrupt.I emailed the teacher when I got home and cried a bit more. (I did also apologize to David later when he came home.)
Then I decided I wanted to finish my sketch and try to ease my soul a bit. Then work blew up so I had to do that. While I was working feverishly, Nathaniel swallowed one of his peanuts the wrong way and coughed and coughed and finally threw up all over himself, the carpet, and me. Once he did and got over the shock of it, he was back to his happy self, so I cleaned the carpets and everywhere else.
We cleaned ourselves up, started a wash and I got back to work. About midday, I realized that for the last three days, I’ve been at this frantic pace where there are so many things going on that I cannot catch up no matter what I do. Every time I do one thing, I am thinking about this other thing I should be doing. I get stressed and end up not finishing any of my tasks. This is true of both work and personal projects. So now I have eleventeen (i like to use that when i mean many many) tasks that are halfway there and nothing done.
This is about as far away as you can get from my “happy place.” This is the opposite of savoring and being calm.
So I just decided I needed to take a big, long breath. I stepped back from the two computers and took a little walk around the room. I sat back down, closed my eyes and decided to show myself some self-compassion (I have a lot more to say about this some other time soon) and took a big breath. And then two more.
By then, Nathaniel was awake so I got him and as he played, I made two big todo lists. One for work and the other for personal. I wrote out everything I could think of. Everything on my mind. In detail. And then I got up again. I decided I needed a break. I played with Nathaniel for 30 minutes. Hugging him, holding his hand, remembering what matters most.
And now here I am. Trying to honor that breath. My plan is to go back to my lists and tackle them one at a time. If a new one arises, it gets tacked to the back of the list unless it’s super-urgent. I know I can complete all of this in the next 48 hours if I just stop freaking myself out. And whatever doesn’t get done, will do so next week. As it turns out, none of these are so urgent that it needs to put me into a frenzy.
The frenzy is not good.
So here I am, taking a breath. Forgiving myself for a hard day. Forgiving myself for not being my best. Forgiving myself for not being my kindest. Forgiving myself for not being at my most productive. Forgiving myself for being human. Making mistakes.
With this breath, I forgive and I let go of it all.
Then I get to start again. Whole.
Here’s the second and last set I used with the Bienfang paper canvas. I do still have a few left but I won’t be using them for now. Don’t like this paper one bit.
So here’s the second set:
The full text reads: Give your heart with caution.
I layered two stencils for this but I don’t like the colors. It just didn’t turn out the way I envisioned.
And here’s the next page:
The full text reads: Life is ephemeral.
I used acrylics on this page. No idea where this came from 🙂
And here’s the next page:
The full text reads: There is freedom in self acceptance and compassion.
I love the colors but still hate the paper. So I finally just decided to stop using it.
Here are all (but one) of the pages I made with this paper:
Starting from here onward, I am using Fabriano Roma paper and 5.25×8.25 so I can glue into my Moleskine.
I was talking to my husband tonight about how I finally tracked down someone who might be able to help me find a personal trainer. We talked a bit about different options and the cost and flexibility of each and then I said, “Won’t you like it if I do this?” or something to that effect.
He replied, “Don’t do this for me. I think you’re great just the way you are.” Or something to that effect.
And I smiled.
Here’s why: Last year, at some point, I decided to change my thinking completely. I decided that everything I do will be “for me.” This applies to all areas of my life. It’s easy to make things about other people, but it also has nasty pitfalls. When you think you’re doing something for someone else, that comes with some entitlement whether you admit it or not. Even if you’re the nicest person in the world, after doing something for someone else again and again, you’ll eventually start resenting them for not doing something for you in return.
I think that’s human nature. At least in my opinion.
So instead of doing things for other people and then little by little resenting them, I decided to turn around my point of view and do everything just for me. There are some obvious cases where this is easy, like the art, journaling etc that I do for me. It’s easy to think of it for things like the exercise and weight loss too. Because while my husband might benefit from them, I certainly enjoy the outcome of my efforts wholeheartedly. So it’s definitely something I do for me.
I’ve gotten so good at this way of thinking that it works on even the not-so-obvious cases. For example, I make breakfast for my kids because it’s important to me that they eat a healthy, balanced, nutritious breakfast. I read to my son because I love reading these books for the first time or getting to reread them and share them with him. I love to see what he thinks, I love to share those moments with him. I focus on the benefit I am getting out of the experience instead of thinking how he’s lucky to have me. This allows me to remember why I do it and puts me in a space where I expect nothing in return. So I don’t resent him for taking my precious time. I am choosing to give it. To share it.
Same goes for many other things I do all day long. I take time to step back from each thing I do and think of why it matters to me. What personal benefit I am getting from it. This way I can keep the focus on me. It makes it so I feel no entitlement and no resentment.
So far, I haven’t found anything where this system doesn’t work. I still get upset sometimes and I try to catch myself. If I feel I am getting bitter or feeling entitled, I give myself a good talking to and maybe even journal. I then let it go. The thing about life is that you only have control over what you do. How you feel. So if you start doing things for other people in the hopes that they will then do things for you, you could get badly disappointed. Because people may or may not respond the way you want, hope, expect, wish. Other people do what they do. You only get to decide what *you* do. So I think it’s best to do as many things for yourself as you can.
Changing my perspective and my way of thinking has made my life so much better. Happier. Calmer. Now I am doing things for an audience of one.
Me.
All those other people in my life? They just get the side benefit of me doing things I want to do.
And it works like a charm.
After having read the Lauren Oliver’s previous book and loving it so so much, I was almost reluctant to pick up Delirium because, for me, there was no way it could measure up to the previous one. And I wasn’t so thrilled that the writer was jumping on the dystopian bandwagon.
I put it off for a while but then finally picked it up.
And I was right.
While the novel is ok and she is definitely a fine writer, this book was nowhere near the caliber of the previous one for me. It didn’t have the profound effect and I particularly didn’t care for the ending. All in all, this was just another YA dsytopian novel whereas Before I Fall truly had a lasting effect on me.
I look forward to more books by her nonetheless as she’s definitely a great writer.
The Savor Project is sort of a combination between Project Life and December Daily. Something I created for myself so that I could savor the little moments of our life and preserve our stories. You can read a lot more about it in this post.
Since I started this project in November, the first few weeks I share will be from November. I then took a break for December since I worked on my December Daily album then and I am going back to it for January. So here we are with some pages from November:
this is November 10 and 11. On the left is the kids playing together and David’s new desk which we spent all night putting together and he’s already lined up his legos on. I also added the box for the Robitussin because I was sick that week and absolutely hated taking this medicine.
this page has the back of the medicine and then a printout of a bug that caused me to work on a day I was officially off work. I took the 11th as a vacation day but then we had a compatibility issue and I ended up chasing it down all day so it wasn’t really a day off. I printed the public bug report out and put it in the pocket to remind myself.
Behind the printout, I put a photo of Nathaniel surrounded by diapers. This is to remind me that he finds ways to self-entertain when I am busy with work or being sick. And it ends up okay. It might be a mess but he’s happy.
The next spread is just a photo of the kids playing on the left. I was still sick and Jake was out of town. The kids were just sweet as can be. Played quietly and happily. I just feel indescribably lucky. The right page is about when Jake gets home from his trip and the kids are so happy to see him and hang out with him.
And finally the last spread. The one on the left is my performance evaluation. Just wanted to be able to come back and look at them. The right side is both the kids writing at different times of the day and how much joy it brings me to see them at the table and how much they enjoy writing.
That’s it for this week. More next week.
The Savor Project was supposed to be a weekly project for 2012. You can read more this album here. But then I changed setup and here is my new setup.
One of the frequent comments I get here is about how I do it all. Where do I find the time? How do I manage? How can I possibly have time to do everything?
The answer is simple, of course.
I don’t.
The list of things I don’t do is way longer than the list of things I do each day. When people read my blog, they assume I do everything they do plus the things I do. Just like we assume a writer’s published book is how he writes or a blogger we admire has only the life she blogs about. We fill in the blanks. But we don’t fill them in accurately. Sometimes we assume the best, other times we assume the worst. We are rarely ever assuming the truth. I can even say we never do.
But what I was thinking about today isn’t even about how we are inaccurate so much of the time. It’s about quantity. I don’t think that doing so “MUCH” is an achievement by itself. Quantity is time consuming but not hard to produce. What’s harder is quality. And I don’t mean quality like creating an artistic masterpiece. I mean the quality something adds to your life.
There are some activities that lift your spirit up so much that doing them truly makes your day better. Not in the same way as checking off a to-do list item. For example, I exercise every morning. I do it as soon as I wake up, while it’s dark out and before I’ve checked my mail. It’s not an activity that lights me up. It doesn’t make me happy when I think of doing it and definitely doesn’t make me happy while I do it and often times not even after. I am just grateful it’s done. I am committed to doing it because I know it’s beneficial to my heart and body and health. But that’s it.
Then there’s the sketching. I often start my sketch while the kids are still at home and then finish it after I’ve dropped them off at school. Those 20-30 minutes spent on a page are some of my favorites in the day. When I am sketching, I don’t worry about the passage of time, I don’t feel frustrated. Most of the time, I don’t think at all. I just sit there and get into the joy of it. I feel like my sketches need a lot of work. There are many others whom I admire and wish I could be like. I yearn for more talent, better eye, clearer understanding of perspective, etc. etc. But despite not being anywhere near where I wish I were talent-wise, I still adore my sketching time. It’s an activity that definitely lights up my day.
There are other activities that add value to my life. Like the journaling helps me get organized and helps me sort out my head. This is exercise for my brain and soul just like the treadmill is for my body and heart. I need them both. But they don’t make me lose track of time the way sketching does.
So when thinking about how to spend your time, I say don’t worry about HOW MUCH you’re doing but worry about WHAT you’re doing. Are you taking care of your soul, brain, heart, and body? Are you doing things that light you up? Even if it’s one single thing. Even if it’s just for 15 minutes a day.
Sometimes we pile so much on our todo list that the whole days goes by without a moment of light. Without a moment of pure joy. When I watch my little son and see how many times a day he laughs all by himself, I find myself wishing for the same. I want to laugh with joy too. I want to do something that makes me so happy. This is not a race. And if it were, I think the ones who win are not the ones who do it all.
It’s the ones who do what gives them the most joy.
So look at how you spend your time. Look at your 2012 list. (I’m sure you have one.) Pick one thing that you know will give you joy. Don’t worry about all the others. Just do that one. Today. Right now. Do it for 10 minutes.
I promise you will be glad you did.
Here are the sketches from last week:
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
I am planning on working on this style for now.
Daily Sketching is a weekly project for 2011. You can see a detailed post on my steps here.
This layout is for Write.Click.Scrapbook’s January Gallery. The theme is to scrap “today…”.
Journaling Reads:
Today i went out to the movies with my friend. When i came home there were two notes on my bed. “I love you very much. I really missed you and I had a bad night and I peed like you told me to.” they said. They immediately made me cry. When I was a little girl, I left notes for my mother when she went out so it was so wonderful to see you do it for me. It made my heart swell and I wanted to wake you up and give you a huge hug. I love you so much.
As the new year starts, so do our projects. David and I have already begun working on his Book of Good Memories. The idea behind this project is to create a book full of things that make him happy so that if he’s having a rough day or he just wants to look back and remember things that brought him joy, he can have them all in one place.
It also allows us to craft a little bit together and gives him a chance to practice writing and thinking more deeply about why a particular item/memory makes him happy.
We aim to do about 1-2 spreads a week. Some weeks we do more and others less. But if we end the year with one full book, I will be happy. I know these won’t be interesting to many of the readers here. That’s why I am posting on the weekend since those are quieter. These pages are meaningful to me and I want to preserve them. With that said, here are two more spreads from our book:
The left side of this spread is some tracing David did. He loves to trace and I do, too. The immediate gratification of seeing something recognizable that you created is sweet. The right side is a book he created in Spanish class which talks about butterflies and it was really beautiful so we made a little pocket for it.
And the next spread:
I love this page! It’s a printout of a digital art piece he created at school. I loved it so much that we glued the whole thing down and then created a little flap on the right where we could slip in his journaling because we didn’t want to cover any of the art. We just added one piece of sticker to it and this spread was done. I love love love looking at this one.
There we go. That’s all for this week. More coming soon.
David’s Book of Good Memories is a bi-weekly project for 2012 with my seven-year-old son David. You can read more about it here.
jake
This was a quiet week for all of us. Even for Jake. After a leisurely Christmas and day after, he only went to work for about a day and a half this whole week. It was such a joy and pleasure to have him around all week. The kids didn’t want to leave his side and I got to have snuggle time with him every day. He even got to play some video games and enjoy his new computer. We’re all calm and rested as we welcome the new year.
karen
I had a lovely week. I had originally planned to work one or two days this week but at the last minute just decided to take the whole thing off. I wanted to rest and be with my family and really take some considerable down time before the craziness of January set in. My work is about to get extra-hectic so I figured I should get some rest while I can. And I am so glad I did. It was a week of snuggling, doing art, reading, laughing, and simply enjoying out lives together. I am deeply grateful for 2011 and ready to tackle 2012 with open arms.
david
David also had a great week. He got the most toys for Christmas and set to build his lego sets immediately. There were a few sets and it took him two days to finish everything. All, Lego Star Wars, of course. He then read his books and started writing in his notebooks. He also used the watercolor paper and waterbrush this week. He even got to sort a lot of legos using his advent calendar plastic. I don’t know if he’s ready to go back to school yet but he certainly had a lovely time off.
nathaniel
It didn’t take much for Nathaniel to get into the Christmas spirit. When he realized he could finally open the presents that had been sitting under the tree for weeks, he was super-thrilled. He opened each gift with great abandon and spent time playing with the toys as the rest of us took our turns. Each time it was his turn, he was thrilled all over again and overjoyed to get yet another present. I think this was a lovely one for the little boy.
Here are some of my favorite captured moments from the last week of 2011:
opening the first presents of Christmas on the eve:
Christmas morning breakfast:
stocking fun for the little one:
and stocking fun for the big one:
opening presents:
playing with new toys:
building legos. there was a lot of building legos this year:
I got Nathaniel some I Spy books and they immediately became his favorite:
playing choo-choo with Daddy.
I love all the expressions he makes:
David finally finished his awesome lego, He did it all by himself:
another fun Nathaniel expression. David reading wikipedia and Nathaniel getting upset cause David won’t lookup trucks:
finally settling down and leaving David alone:
putting together one of the Star Wars models Daddy got David.
despite his expression this is David working on his Book of Good Memories.
coloring with his new waterbrush and paper.
reading another new Christmas present with Daddy. This year, I went to a local library sale and got a lot of great books for $1-2 each. This wonderful book was $3. They made for some wonderful presents for both kids.
Nathaniel loved his legos, too. He got some lego cars.
giving mommy a smile.
my amazing boy and his stunning eyes.
we used the plastic from the lego advent calendar to store sorted legos. I used Nathaniel’s to store my art supplies.
Friday there was some Wii-playing. Despite what this might look like, Nathaniel’s remote didn’t even have batteries in it.
“big tower, take picture” he told me. So I did. Then as I snapped, he decided it was an airplane and made some airplane noises.
today was family photos. Nathaniel insisted on sitting on daddy so we compromised on his sitting on David.
which David loved (but my depth of field didn’t.)
and here we go. Another week gone. Another year gone.
Thank you for coming here and supporting me. Thank you for being a part of my journey and sharing yours with me. I have so much gratitude for this past year. And I welcome 2012 with open arms. Wishing and hoping for a wonderful year and the mindfulness to savor it fully.
Happy 2012 everyone!!
Us Right Now is a weekly project for 2011. You can read more about it here.
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projects for twenty twenty-six
projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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